Category Archives: UFC

Condom Depot Steals the “Biggest Night in MMA History”

Last night, both the UFC and Affliction battled it out for MMA supremacy on Spike and PPV, respectively. Being the casual-est of fans, I felt no need to doll out the 50 bones for a glimpse of the mythical Fedor (this video proves my decision to be quite retarded)

Whatever, I enjoyed the majority of the card. Taylor v. Dalloway saw the Upper Lip utilize the Peruvian Necktie, a move I’ve never heard of or seen attempted. It was gnarly and will now be my go-to-move in Memphis street fights. Cain v. Ed O’Brien was pretty uneventful, Cain pinned his arms beneath his legs and arm, laid across O’Brien’s chest, and methodically pummeled his face for 2 minutes. Edgar v. Franca was garbage. Hermes looked unbelievably weak and was painfully deliberate in his movements (except for one freakish surge of energy that saw him break guard and somehow lock BOTH OF Edgar arms between his legs for an armbar attempt) It was broken and the rest of the fight was tolerable ONLY because of Franca’s incredible lack of neck. Vera v. Reese Andy, the man of two names that would bring playground punishment, was utter shit. Vera refused to do anything and Andy unleashed some of the most feeble leg kicks in UFC history. Pretty disappointing for the slim Vera. No title shot for you.

But the man who certainly deserves one is Mr. Anderson Silva. What a performance. While Fedor’s quickness was astounding and his relentless attack impressive, it pales in comparison to what Silva did to James Irvin. In one 10 second spurt, Silva foiled an Irvin kick to the midsection, secured his leg under his left arm and delivered a devastating right to Irvin’s jaw. It was AMAZING. Although Yamasaki (or Dean or whoever it was) let the fight continue for 4 or 5 free shots, which was completely unwarranted, it’s not like Irvin was a champ, that initial punch was enough to end the fight. Irvin was done. He was grimacing and cowering immediately after Silva’s fist landed. Fucking kickass. Give this man a title shot at 205. What are the prospects at 185? More Rich Franklin? Come on White, Silva v. Forrest, New Year’s Eve 2008.

Although Silva was the big human winner of last nite’s festivities, the undisputed champ of the Event had to be the best Prophylactic Distributor in the Biz, Condom Depot!! What an onslaught of ass-ads they waged on the Spike audience last nite. At least 4 fights featured Condom Pimps (would that make them real Pimps?) and offered ample comedy ammunition. First of all, Condom Depot, I must question your decision to place YOUR* ads on the fighters’ ass’. While certainly some of the most visible real estate on fighter’s body, I feel this may send the wrong message to the predominately Heterosexual audience. Something along the lines of “This ass prefers rubbers from Condom Depot”. This poor choice is aggravated by the fact that MMA is the most homo-erotic sport of all-time. While mounting jokes regarding the UFC have tapered with the sport’s acceptance, Condom Depot made them relevant once again. Thank you, Condom Depot. I forgot the joy of a good mounting joke. But my personal favorite Condom Depot moment came during the controversial stoppage of the Burns-Johnson fight. After Burns had been declared winner by TKO, despite being the deliverer of one of the most vicious eye-gouging combos of all-time to Mr. Johnson, a member of the Condom Depot crew, my buddy delivered some timeless comedy: “Johnson, another victim of Burns’ patented poke” Nice Condom Depot. Nice.

Plus, I found this pictureon their website. This domer enthusiast is actually Condom Depot’s President, or Kim D, as the picture’s file name declares. The filthy and very fabricated origins of Kim D. and Condom Depot will be left to the imagination. 

*Any other company, no issue


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Filed under Anderson Silva, CB Dollaway, Dana White, Fedor Emelianenko, MMA, UFC

Lost Complacency

Last nite, as I was awaiting the results of the Rampage-Forrest Light Heavyweight Championship bout, I realized I had no horse in the race. Both fighters are charismatic, likable, and respectful to the point that I would’ve enjoyed seeing either one of them taking home the belt. If I had access to PPV (fucking ancient residence), I would’ve sat back with a few beers and enjoyed two decent guys attempt to reach the pinnacle of their profession. But after the controversial decision in favor of Forrest, my opinion and I suspect those of many others, has been altered concerning my lack of allegiances, Dana White, and the whole UFC. My prefight complacency has been replaced by unfortunate cynicism.

Though I would have loved to see Griffin earn himself the Light Heavyweight belt that he was been working for since he and Bonnar put the UFC on the map, the way in which he was crowned is brutal and embarrassing. To have such an important fight, maybe even the most prestigious UFC matchup of 2008, decided unfavorably just puts another cloud over the UFC and Dana White.

This move, and by move I mean Dana White greasing the wheels of a Griffin-decision, combines the manipulative arrogance of David Stern and the idiotic pettiness of JP Riccardi. Seriously, a Griffin victory is clearly in the best interest of White. Having an Ultimate Fighter alum finally receive a UFC belt would legitimize the whole process*, and create opposition to the belief that it’s just a personality pageant. And removing Rampage’s title would give credence to the superiority of UFC nurtured fighters**. White has got to address these concerns.

If I was running the UFC, I would schedule a rematch immediately. It would be unfair to both Rampage and Griffin for them not to resolve this controversy as soon as possible. Plus, a rematch is much more appealing than the alternatives, which would see Rampage facing off against Pride rivals and Griffin mauling the corpse of Chuck Lidell. While it’s clear White is gunning for another July 4th showdown, which has grown to be the premier date on the UFC calendar, this has to be resolved this year. Griffin has worked too hard to have his reputation tarnished by a questionable decision and Rampage deserves another shot, whether it be because he got fucking fleeced last nite or the fact that he is still the most appealing challenger. If not for the principle, do it for the cash. 

Give em the rematch, Griffin wins, it’s done, Rampage wins, July 4th next year. Make it happen, Dana.

*Matt Serra doesn’t count

**What went down with the whole Pride championship last nite? Was Rampage carrying two belts to the ring or just one?

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Filed under Dana White, Forest Griffin, MMA, Rampage Jackson, UFC

A Stoppage Scandal in the UFC? Nahhh…

Only two weeks after the MMA elitists reigned down allegations of match-fixing upon EliteXC, the UFC ironically appears to be in the midst of a controversy themselves. Last nite, during the Ultimate Fighter Final between Amir Sadollah and CB Dalloway, some premature stoppage was definitely in play. After idiotically taking Amir to the ground, which he vowed not to do in the pre-fight interview piece, CB was semi-caught in an armbar. Though it didn’t appear fully in place, CB tapped Amir’s leg just ONCE, forcing experienced ref Herb Dean to call the fight.

While I agree with Dean’s stoppage, mostly because CB is a rabid douchebag, I doubt everyone will share my sentiment. Usually taps aren’t as deliberate and calm as the one CB layed on Amir’s leg. They usually show some urgency, which was absent from CB’s action.

On the other hand, if CB wasn’t tapping, which his shocked mangled face* appeared to believe immediately after the stoppage, then what the fuck was he thinking? Wasn’t there precedent for armbar stoppage via Amir? Weren’t you caught in a submission? The single hand tap, whatever your intentions for it, may not have been the best course of action at that particular time. I mean were you hoping Amir would let up on the armbar, allowing you to pummel him with your upper lip?

There can be arguments made from each side, but how ironic is it that a controversial stoppage came just 3 weeks after the purists denounced the EliteXC as rigged trash. Could there be reason for CB’s contrived defeat? I can think of one.

RIDICULOUS CONSPIRACY ALERT: During the final episode of TUF: Rampage v. Forest, Jesse Taylor was given the boot for being a belligerent asshole. Though his removal from the UFC was certainly justified, vandalizing limos and harassing women ain’t cool, the lack of punishment for CB was questionable. I mean he was with JT the whole time, as the lobby videotape showed** and he admitted in his blog, and you’re going to tell me he wasn’t provoking JT? I mean this guy went to ASU. He’s not Tim Credeur. He’s a fucking frat boy asshole. How could Dana not punish him as well? Didn’t that Lobster clown get the boot for REFFING a house brawl? How is this any different?  

I guess the punishment came in the form of a questionable stoppage given to a personable, humble fighter who would be a much better face to brand UFC with. I mean CBs’ is kind of weird looking.

*Was not damaged during the fight

**It’s hard to miss the stiff upper lip and 10 inch forehead of Mr. Dollaway



Filed under Amir Sadollah, CB Dollaway, Dana White, EliteXC, MMA, UFC

Matt Hughes and his “Family Values”

Being a practitioner of the kicking while down life philosophy, I just have to discuss Matt Hughes’ “Family Values” Though I used to think living in a place like Iowa automatically made someone morally superior, after watching the latest installment of UFC All Access, my views have changed a lil bit. Thanks for the enlightenment Matt Hughes.

Check out this video of Rachelle Leah visiting Matt Hughes on his Iowa farm. First of all she looks amazing, spending the duration of the piece in a Daisy Dukes get-up. Awesome. Anyways, Matty Hughes too noticed the gorgeous ring girl and spent the majority of the piece flirting with his guest. At one point he even grabs her off a horse and carries her away, most likely to a barn for a roll in the hay*. While I would have no problem with this kind of behavior between two single peeps (I suspect not having sex with a single female guest in Iowa could get you banned from the state**), Hughes spent the tail end of the piece preaching the beauty of family values. Turns out the guy had a wife and two kids hidden inside while he was frolicking outside with one of the most beautiful girls in the room. Nice. I too believe the application of “values” to be purely situational. When eating ideal dinner featuring ideal corn*** with ideal family: Important. When with single ring girl: Not so much.

Heres the link:

*Since they are in fact on a farm, this is not a lazy generalization, but instead clever wordplay. Do not be offended.

**Offended? Totally understandable.

***Well, what does Iowa grow then?

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Filed under Matt Hughes, MMA, Rachelle Leah, UFC, Uncategorized

More Credible: The Score or Kimbo Slice?

Last nite Kimbo Slice took advantage of some “generous” officiating to defeat James Thompson in a 3rd Round TKO. According to those able to view the event (for some unknown reason, my cable provider cut the CBS feed last nite), Slice appeared to tap out in the 2nd round, but was allowed to continue due to some indifferent officials. Or greased.

Unfortunately it appears as if the illegitmate victory will keep the Slice criticism rolling, which is pretty shitty. After watching a Score promo a couple days ago, I realized the absolute shittiness of their journalistic standards. You’re going to look for objective opinions from guys whose livelihood would be affected by Slice’s success? Hmmm, I wonder what they’re going to say. 

Well, first of all, leading off your anti-Slice segment with commentary from a man recently suspended for steroid use is puzzling to say the least. Watching Sherk complain about Slice’s “quick rise” and questioning whether “he has earned the exposure” was laughable. Didn’t you just get suspended for taking the easy route, Sherk? Who are you to question a dude’s work ethic?

Second in the Score’s horrible piece was one Randy Couture. While Randy certainly seems like a decent guy, his objectivity regarding the Slice is non-existent. On one hand the man questions the legitmacy of the EliteXC brand and Kimbo while on the other trains with Slice’s opponent, James Thompson. So Kimbo and EliteXC are garbage but James Thompson is not? How does this make sense.

Couture also made a point of criticizing the opponents EliteXC puts in front of Kimbo. Haven’t easy opponents been in front of rising UFC stars for the past 5 years? Come on, imitation is the greatest form of flattery big man.

And finally, the third member of the anti-Slice crew, Mr. Dana White. It’s pretty obvious that White would suffer from the rise of Slice and EliteXC, so asking him to objectively critique Slice’s abilities would seem pretty fucking retarded.

What pisses me off most about these assholes’ lazy, selfish critiques of Slice is their constant bemoaning of his street fighter background and its negative effect on MMA. Isn’t your biggest star a former street fighter (Rampage)? When was the last time you heard Goldman and Rogan say “Oh no, it appears as if this fight has regressed into a sloppy brawl” Fucking Never!!! Whenever two UFC fighters stand up for the majority of the fight, the guys sound so excited you’d think the UFC ring girls were sucking them off. This petty bullshit concerning Slice’s lack of skill is pathetic. The only thing that differentiates Lidell from Slice is the Iceman’s “takedown defence”, something that would hardly qualify Chuck as an all-around fighter. All this UFC whining is petty selfishness. Theres more than enough dough to go around and fucking brand competitiveness will just makes things more interesting. Fucking embrace the Slice.


Filed under Dana White, Kimbo Slice, MMA, Randy Couture, Sean Sherk, The Score, UFC