Category Archives: Toronto Raptors

This is Not a Goodbye

Goodbye Good Sir

Today, it was revealed that Primoz Brezec will not be continuing his NBA career*. Roma has poached the 7-foot Slovenian from the Raptors. Damn you Brian Colangelo. Despite your all-league style, all-league offseason deals, and phenomenal tie-knots, your lack of appreciation for the Primoz is truly disappointing. He was the best 12th man our great country has ever seen.

In spite of the immense sense of loss coursing through my veins, Primoz’s departure has provided me an opportunity to reveal the reasoning behind the pseudonym. Considering the small window Raps’ fans had to appreciate the Primoz**, it is a true testament to the man’s awesomeness that I chose to name this blog after the Eastern European Prince. His gregarious charm was immediately apparent to players and fans alike after joining the Raps in a deadline deal. Although I initially knew nothing about the schizophrenic giant, I immediately developed great expectations for the Primoz era. These expectations were surpassed in ways impossible to foresee.

Mr. Brezec, because of the fantastic, and impossibly short-lived Resign Primoz Brezec, tales of your admirable lack of self-awareness were easily available. This is what I learned: although you are a 7-foot white man from Eastern Europe, you did not allow physical or cultural restraints to hinder the pursuit of your ideal lifestyle: Ol’ G. Because of this amazing clash of origins and current life, you will forever be remembered as a beacon of personal choice throughout this great land***.

Mr. Brezec, although your influence was primarily drawn from your breathing example of self-recreation, it does not mean your on-court presence wasn’t appreciated. In fact, for a player with next to no playing time, you made an incredible impression. From your unbelievable rotation of accessories to your inexplicable hatred of opposing mascots, your month of bench duty was the greatest stretch a neglected Raptor ever put forth. Though it was tragically, and amazingly, cut short by a pre-game stretching fiasco, your time in Red will not be forgotten.

Mr. Brezec, despite receiving scant playing time, your presence within our nation not only provided constant entertainment, it also provided a vital message for Canadian youth: Do not allow nationality, race, creed, appearance, or stature dictate the person you wish to become. And because of that I know, This is Not a Goodbye. I eagerly await the inevitable news’ reports regarding the spread of Onyx worship and Long Sleeve Tall Tees in Rome. We will be watching, cheering, and dropping jaws like you were still in the GTA. Best of Luck Mr. Brezec.

Your Indebted Namesake,

Primoz Forever

*This season

**Just 13 Games

***Most likely my property, but possibly elsewhere



Filed under Basketball, NBA, Primoz Brezec, Toronto Raptors

Raptors’ Related Thoughts on the James Posey Deal

First of all, the New Orleans Hornets are supposedly now the favorites to win the 2009 NBA Championship. To justify this certain people have turned to voodoo math, making the point that the last two teams with James Posey as their 4th best player have won the Title*. But this argument is flawed**. Posey is the Hornets’ 5th Best player***. By the smallest of margins, Tyson Chandler is the Hornets’ 4th best player. Considering the rebounding, shot-blocking, paint presence, energy, and, most importantly, unfulfilled desire for victory**** TC provides, no one can tell me Posey is “better”. Granted, he is a bad motherfucker.

Anyways, I couldn’t help, mostly out of jealousy and/or rage, examining the signing through the ever-present Raptors’ venom hole. Let’s see: 25 Million over 4 years, eh? That sounds eerily familiar (and the eventual revelation is damn-near fatal) Oh wait, we’ve got Jason Kapono for 24 Million over 4 years. Sweeeet. At least our investment will return more Individual Awards. At least were playing A game the Herm way. 

Adding to the swingman similarities and Raptors’ connections, Morris Peterson’s making 23 Million over 4 years. Poor Mo Pete. Going from desired to discarded in 1 year must suck. Where is he now on the SG/SF Depth Chart? Best case 3rd, possibly 5th (behind Peja, Posey, and youngsters Wright and Butler) I mean, he’s basically a defensively inferior Posey. Plus, now that they have a proven Clutcher, his 3-point prowess will probably be neglected come Playoff Time. Seriously, there’s no hope of him playing meaningful Playoff minutes without a catastrophic mishandling of Peja’s Eurobeard. Will he even be in the Playoff Rotation? Too early to say, but I’m leaning towards no (I say Paul, Pargo, Posey, Peja, Wright, West, Chandler, Ely and maybe Mayo MySpace Friend, Hilton Armstrong)

I don’t know whose patience should be questioned more, or who’s GM is Osying most. While swapping Posey for Kapono would certainly secure an East Finals’ appearance in 09, and thus making BC’s lack of patience worthy of fanbase rage, NO did pay 2 Million dollars less for a homeless man’s James Posey only to sign James Posey upon realizing their mistake. But then again, they do have James Posey. Hmmmm…tough.

*This in turn making a 2009 NBA Title for the Hornets relatively plausible

**And not just for the absurdly subjective precedent it relies upon. Return to the top for more!!!

***This in turn clearly, obviously, certainly, securing the 2009 NBA Title for the Hornets

****Let’s be realistic here; killing yourself to win YOUR SECOND RING for transcendent veterans like KG, the Truth, and Mr. Shuttlesworth is MUCH easier than killing yourself, for YOUR THIRD RING mind you, for a 3rd year pup like CP3. I’m now tapering the astronomical expectations***** I initially felt for the 09 Hornets. We’ll have to see how driven the Pose is. Though, I honestly cannot see him matching his INSPIRED 08 performance.

*****I’m talking dynasty-type delusions, if only to maintain a semblance of a cohesive argument. Cheers.

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Filed under James Posey, Jason Kapono, Morris Peterson, New Orleans Hornets, Toronto Raptors, Tyson Chandler

I Hate the Roc Boys

The story of the CDR experience: So Close

Wow. What a couple days. First the JOdeal and now this. After hopelessly abandoning the 17 due to the supposed futility of landing Rush or CDR, the lengthy Junior from Memphis nearly falls to us at 41only to be robbed at 40 by the villainous rebuilders, the New Jersey Nets. Shit, that would have been delicious. I can’t wait till Bosh’s personality lands us LeBron in the summer of 10, you fucking marsh dwellers.

While nearly pulling the screen from my laptop in anticipation of CDR’s Raptoring, I couldn’t help spewing trade scenarios in order to ensure his arrival. Though my original offer of Joey Graham and the 41 was rejected by 10 seconds of rational thought, Ibegan to construe more realistic deals. Would Jamario be enough to land CDR? Would that be a worthy swap? I think so.

After watching Rajon Rondo in the NBA Finals, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities to the Eclipse. At times, they’re both defensive game-changers who can swing momentum with a steal or a riveting drive to the cup. But the majority of the time, they’re offensive liabilities who allow their mark to roam the post and harass their All-World teammates.

Unlike Appolo 33, CDR would’ve kept em honest and I was desperately calling out for some BC intervention. But no dice. CDR’s career will soon be stagnant under the indifferent tutelage of rent-a-player Vince Carter (seriously, two years you piece of shit. Two years and you’re done) and we’re still stuck with the worst starting 3 in the Association. Damn. At least we got the Australian guy whose weaknesses include, according to the fantastic Draft Express, being “relatively unknown”. Exciting.

Side: My willingness to part with the Moon is partially unfair. I just really wanted some CDR.  

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Filed under Chris Douglas-Roberts, Jamario Moon, NBA Draft, New Jersey Nets, Toronto Raptors, Vince Carter

The Ambiguously Diverse Duo

Air Canada Centre, the year 2008.

Chris: JO, welcome to the TO, boy!!! Psyched to have you with us man. Big things this year, big things!! 

Jermaine: Ahh (runs hand through third hairstyle of day), certainly cBO. Me, yous, Jose, AP, Kapones*…I’m looking forward to it.

Chris: Ye, ye, not having Teej around’ll be tough (plays with 2nd hairstyle of afternoon), but you’re sure a welcome return. So what you wanna do on the court? What kind of things should we let you handle come October?

Jermaine: Well, cBO, I’ve always thought of myself as a defensive man first. Put me in the post and I’ll wreak havoc on opposing penetrators. Believe it.

Chris: Oh, for sure!! For sure, JO. I like to work the opposition too, my man. Nothing like swatting, is what I’ve always said. Yeah. Yeah I’ve said that.

Jermaine: Alrite cBO. Together we’ll be averaging 2 a piece. On the offensive end, I like keeping my man on his toes by establishing my mid-range J. Nothing like shocking the opposition with the big man jumper. Devestating.

(BC looks up from conference call with tailor. Injects tie knot. Continues editing FireSamMitchell) 

Chris: Ya JO. Thats what I’m talking bout man. I love working the mid-ranger. In fact, the mid-range is all I’ve got, my man. Give me an opening though, watch out!! I’ll be getting mad free throws!! Well, at least two. KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

Jermaine: I got ya cBO, i got ya. I love getting the attempts too, man. Love it. So, cBO, what hand you shooting?

Chris: OHHHH, you know I’m shooting with the left hand, JO!!! Left handers a special breed!!

Jermaine: A special breed cBO!!

Chris: Ya, thats what I’ve always said. Ya, I’ve said that.

Jermaine: (Suspicous agreement) Ya, me too.

Chris: Ya. So JO, I noticed you’re working the cBO into the vernacular, how bout the JO7.

Jermaine: No.

Chris: Oh, ok. No JO7, thats cool man. What about the ON7?

Jermaine: No.

Chris: Seventh Son?

Jermaine: No.

Chris: Bashing Rap?

Jermaine: No.

Chris: Violent Dinosaur?

Jermaine: Enough, cBO, enough. You’re cBO, I’m JO. That’s how we do in the TO. Working for BC with some AP, we be OK. Sam Mitchell.

Chris: Alrite man, alrite. So what you doing your first nite in the dot?

Jermaine: Well, I’m thinking bout finishing Khaled Hosseini’s latest.

Chris: (Shocked discomfort) What?

Jermaine: You know, the Kite Runner guy? There was a movie (smug aura of rebellion)

Chris: (Mixture of awe and excitement. Not once in his NBA career has CB4 fallen victim to intellectual condescension) Ya, I know who Khaled Hosseini is man. The Kite Runner changed my life. It’s beautiful depiction of Afghani life helped alleviate the fabricated stereotypes created by 9/11. His portrayal of the lifelong guilt created by childhood events humanized the Afghan people and created a unbending bond between me and the inhabitants of that haunted land.

Jermaine: (Uncanny identification of inner-self in another) Yes.

Chris: Yes

Jose: (Stumbles in locker room, donned in black. Pulls two Gatorades from belt holster) Hey guy. Have gatorade.

Jermaine and Chris: (Thirsty from personally unparalleled level of bonding, welcome Gatorades without deviating from each other’s identical eyes. Their mutual favorite Fruit Punch Gatorade cleanses the goosebumps from their throats)

Jose: (Attempts to hide lower lip) You guy see Jarbo?

Jermaine and Chris, Chris and Jermaine: No

Jose: (With head down, leaves locker room, but not before delivering Gatorade to all)

Voiceover: As one questionable male relationship ends in the city of Toronto, another takes it place. When a man as stylish as BC runs your team, there will never be a shortage. Go Raps.


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Filed under Bryan Colangelo, Chris Bosh, Jermaine O'Neal, NBA, Toronto Raptors

JO to TO? Please BC

The Key to the Treasure Chest of ‘010

Too many acronyms? Who cares, the Raps may soon have the best frontcourt in the Eastern Conference. According to the Indianapolis Star (via the Arsenalist), Jermaine O’Neal could become a member of the Toronto Raptors. And we’d get rid of TJ Ford? Outtttttstanding.

The Star is reporting that a TJ-Rasho-17 package could net the Raps the veteran lefty. Though I am a little tentative to include the 17, if the Pacers demand it, BC should pull the trigger. JO is a defensive force who could instantly improve one of the Raptors’ key weaknesses. Throw in the rebounding help, the guys averaged 8.8 or more 6 of the past 7 seasons*, and this deal is money for the Raps. Although Rasho is an effective, intelligent baller, his exit, like TJ’s, was inevitable considering the attractive combo of his play and expiring contract. Speaking of expiring contracts…

Unlike the many pundits who feel JO’s exorbitant contract is a negative, to me, it’s the most enticing aspect of the deal. I’m shocked more teams aren’t chasing JO. Why? Primarily because JO’s deal ends in 2010, or the year of the greatest free agent class of all time. Here’s the mind-boggling list of 010′ FAs (lifted from Stop Mike Lupica):

Joe Johnson
Ray Allen
Ben Wallace
LeBron James (player option, likely)
Dirk Nowitzki (player option, unlikely)
Josh Howard (player option, likely)
Marcus Camby
Rip Hamilton
Stephen Jackson
Tracy McGrady
Shaquille O’Neal
Dwyane Wade (player option for 10/11, unlikely)
Michael Redd (player option for 10/11, likely)
Tyson Chandler (player option for 10/11 – 50/50)
Eddy Curry (player option for 10/11 – 50/50)
Amare Stoudemire (player option for 10/11, unlikely)
Brad Miller
Manu Ginobili
Chris Bosh (player option for 10/11, unlikely)
How disgusting is that?

Basically, this deal is an experiment that cannot fail. For the next two years, rolling the dice with an injury-plagued JO is much more appealing than extending Teej’s pouting. Best-case scenario, the two lefties dominate the post, allowing countless doublers to be burnt off wide-open threes from AP, Kapones, and Calderon. Worst-case scenario, and it’s pretty bad, JO goes down to injuries and we’re stuck with regular Humph time.  Whatever, the possible reward is worth the risk.

Making the worst-case scenario much more manageable is what would follow. After 2 years, if JO falters, which I admit seems pretty likely, there’ll always be the light at the end of the tunnel that is Manu. Or Rip. Or Lebron. Or Melo. Or D-Wade. Or Redd. Or Captain Jack. Or Dirk. Or Josh Howard.

Honestly, this contract, considering the timing and value of the deal, is the most valuable expiring contract in the Association. Having JO in 2010 guarantees a premier player that summer. Plus, if the Raps’ realize the premier FAs of ‘010 won’t sign with Toronto, they could move JO to a team with a hardon for one of those dudes. What could we get for that contract? Think of the possibilities. If my scenario plays out, as I hope and pray it does, then TJ-Rasho-17 now could, and this is an enormous could, turn into LeBron later. Insane hypothetical, I know, but still within the realm of possibility.  A possibility that makes the 17 an afterthought. Make it happen BC.

*Some nice cherry-pickin’



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Filed under Chris Bosh, Indiana Pacers, Jermaine O'Neal, Lebron James, Manu Ginobili, NBA, TJ Ford, Toronto Raptors, Uncategorized

Jamal the Meek

Was searching for the latest news on Jamal Crawford, since you know, the TJ deal is pseudo-imminent, and found this interesting piece from the Associated Press. Supposedly, the rocky relations between D’Antoni and Crawford are officially over. The reason for the turn-around: A Phone Call. Huh…

Besides the surprising ease of gaining Jamal’s allegiances, the first line of the piece proclaims “Knicks guard Jamal Crawford has changed his mind when it comes to his new coach”. Really? I wasn’t aware his mind required changing, and according to my search efforts*, neither does anyone else. I couldn’t find anything that could be interpreted as discontent on Crawford’s part. I remember reading a NY Magazine piece describing Crawford as a company man fiercely loyal to Isiah but other than that there was nothing that implicitly stated Crawford’s supposed anger with his new coach. But lets pretend there is.

If Crawford was truly angry with the hiring of D’Antoni, he sure abandoned his position pretty quickly. A single phone call could hardly be described as a difficult courting period. Despite Mr. Crawford’s meekness, this story somehow makes him more enticing as a possible trading chip for my beloved Raps. If BC could possibly deal TJ for Jamal, I would be giddy. A malcontent sulker for a company man eager to please, as the NY Magazine piece states, “likes to please whoever he’s with at that minute”. Sweet, there will be no battle for the Heart and Mind of the Raptors’ locker room from Jamal. The team will undoubtedly be Boshs’ and Joses’ and we would get a player who can score 20 per and be content as a second option. Add Brandon Rush and were golden. Or maybe I’ve got some weak induction skills. Who knows.


Heres some links:

Absolutely, Positively the Worst Team in the History of Professional Sports – NY Magazine

Knicks coach praised – Pasadena Star-News


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Filed under Jamal Crawford, Mike D'Antoni, New York Knicks, TJ Ford, Toronto Raptors

Chris Bosh on Jay Leno?!?!

Just finished watching Game 1 of the Finals, cruising the airwaves for some pre-sleep entertainment and I fell upon Jay Leno. Couldn’t believe who was on. Non other than the Toronto Raptors Chris Bosh. What the fuck you say? I felt the same way. But you know what? Bosh was fucking great. Actually legitmately, truly funny. I was shocked. Sure the guy had produced some low budget pseudo-comical skits in the past but tonite Bosh was showing off the chops. I guess Leno hired the Raptors franchise to provide some comedic Q & A from the Finals participants and Bosh killed it. He was throwing out some hilarious original questions, busting guys about short shorts, Sex and the City, and random skullets. Few of my favorites: Bosh asking Big Baby what Sex and the City character best represents him and getting a sincere answer that bordered on creepy. Getting ruined by the Mamba with a mean neck slap but getting back at him later in the piece with some Old Spice chirping. Another sweet bit featured some questioning of the Machine, Sasha Vujacic and whether or not Paris Hilton gave him the nickname. Some good ol’ wholesome entertainment. 

Though this is undoubtedly great for the present Raptors’ situation, this kind of exposure has me concerned. It was probably the first time millions of Americans were introduced to Bosh and he killed it. Would a budding national figure spend his prime in Canada, removed from mainstream American media? Who knows but like LBJ’s relationship with Jay-Z, Chris Bosh’s relationship with Jay Leno has me worried. My advice to Colangelo, lock this man up immediately. I don’t care if his extension just kicked in, I want to be in the Chris Bosh business. If tonite’s performance is any indication of what he is capable of in off-court promotion, the next decade could be the Raptors golden era.

Another thing, when Bosh was interviewing Kobe, the Leno crowd went crazy. It’s incredible how much they love him out there. Considering his “hobbies” and all.

I don’t have a link to the video since it just aired but it will probably be available on the NBC website or Red Lasso tomorrow. I implore ya to check it out. Bosh does not disappoint. Above is some classic Bosh comedy to whet the appetite.

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Filed under Basketball, canada, Chris Bosh, Glen Davis, Jay Leno, Kobe Bryant, NBA, Toronto Raptors