Category Archives: Texas Rangers

Rick Reilly is tired of these Mother F****** Atheists in his Mother F****** Country

“It’s a bad night to be an atheist” – Rick Reilly, July 14, 2008

This particular nugget of arrogance came from the beacon of sports journalism himself after the ESPN announcing team exhausted all reliable descriptions of amazement while Hamilton was punishing the rawhide, leaving the crew to spit Hyperbole like a prompter-less (and retarded) politician.

Yes Rick, all atheists have been following Josh Hamilton, attempting to bring failure and relapse upon him through witchcraft and blasphemy. They’ve put chotch in his coffee and heroin in his fondue. Hamilton voodoo dolls are best-sellers in the underground Atheishops poisoning your community. But now that Mr. Hamilton has broken Derby records, Josh’s relapse will obviously not happen. The tight-knit atheist community has failed. They will now acknowledge the existence of your savior, dwell on the sentimental, and preach to the ignorant.

Reilly’s comment is infuriating for the number of falsities it evokes: 1, Atheists hate Josh Hamilton, 2 Atheists hate Home Runs, 3 Atheists hate believers hitting Home Runs, 4, Atheists LOOOOVE Drugs, 5, Only the pious can kick habits, and finally,  6, Atheists congregate to sabotage the life of Josh Hamilton and every other practicing member of organized religion.

Reilly, unlike Religion, being an atheist is not life-defining. It’s a footnote. To me, it seems like little more than uncomfortable party fodder. No one is proudly claiming to be an Atheist or basing their REAL-LIFE decisions upon their LAW-SUPPORTED choice not to worship or others’ LAW-SUPPORTED choice to. As much as the idiotic Reilly believes, Atheism does not revolve around the systematic sabotage of organized religion.

Whatever. Keep up the hypocrisy. The worst thing about Reilly’s comment is the complete disregard it shows for Hamilton’s family and friends. You know, the earthly presence that guided and supported Hamilton through his recovery. As much as Reilly believes Jesus was the one suffering from Hamilton’s addiction, this is more than likely not the case. Actual people suffered and struggled through the worst and best of Hamilton’s demise and recovery. While it would be fucking awesome if Jesus himself convinced Hamilton to stop doing blow, I kind of doubt he did. His wife, mother, father, brothers, sisters, and friends were paramount during his realization of his problem and the presumed horrendous rehabilitation period that followed. They deserve all the credit in the world* for what Josh Hamilton has achieved these past two seasons. His new-found belief was inspired by their benevolence. Though granted, I’m sure Jesus was giving a big Thumbs Up from his Deluxe Apartment in the Sky**. 

This shit sounds like a WWE call out. Ya I see you Atheists. I see you peddling smack on the corner of the Rangers’ hotel. You know what? Rick Reilly don’t play dat. You know what he’s gonna do? Tell God to rig the Derby. Ya, no Devil-Worshippers winning this Derby, no sir. You know what he’s gonna do then? Rub it in that minuscule sub-culture’s face!!! YAAAAA, and you who’s next on the Reilly’s denouncing list? The Gays!!! OHHH YAAAA.

It’s similar to proclaiming “It’s a bad nite to be a Jew” after Ryan Braun was eliminated or “Fuck You Canucks!!!” after Morneau was pummeled. Leave beliefs, race and nationality out of it. It’s the FUCKING HOME RUN DERBY. Just enjoy it. Don’t use Hamilton’s incredible accomplishment as a soapbox to criticize and divide. Everyone enjoys Home Runs. Everyone respects Redemption. And I hope after Monday night, everyone ignores Rick Reilly.

*Besides Hamilton himself, who should be applauded (a lil’ more, but that’s it) for what he’s accomplished

**Although according to the ESPN crew, Hamilton still does not trust himself enough not to seek out the drugs that ruined his life and travels with a friend who keeps him on the straight and arrow. Mr. Christ, paging Mr. Christ

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Filed under Baseball, ESPN, Josh Hamilton, Major League Baseball, Texas Rangers

Big Sexy gets all Hot and Bothered

Obvious headline!

Last nite Big Sexy took exception to what looked like nothing more than high heat and charged the poor Texas Rangers’ pitcher, batting helmet in one hand and fading respectability in the other. What a bush league move. Your 6’8 Richie Sexson, you don’t need a batting helmet to ensure Mortal Kombat. Sure sign of his diminishing confidence.

But honestly you got to feel for the Big Sexy. All huge and all and he ain’t been doing nothing the last two years. If only he had Trent Walker to guide him through these tough times.

“Richie your so fucking money, you don’t even know. And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you’re looking at your claws and you’re looking at your fangs. And you’re thinking to yourself, you don’t know what to do, man. “I don’t know how to kill the bunny.” With *this* you don’t know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?” Swingers

Video via Deadspin

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Filed under Baseball, Major League Baseball, Richie Sexson, Seattle Mariners, Texas Rangers