Category Archives: Oakland Athletics

Fear for the Mo’

This afternoon, the Jays usurped the Royals (yesssss) 7-2 to finish off the sweep. Marcum continued his brilliant 2008, giving up 1 earned and maintaining his petty 0.87 WHIP. This guy hasn’t given up more than 6 hits all year. From what I understand about sabermetrics, that is money. The unlikely duo of Scoots and Zaun launched a few jacks into the Roger Centre seats, with the Scoots adding a stolen base as well. Rios too displayed the hybrid game, hitting a 2Bagger and stealing 2nd. It looks like Rios’ power game has not left him and if today’s performance is any indicator of future progress, expect him to be in the 30-30 club by August. Real talk (ye ye Real World assholes). I’d almost prefer to see Scutaro hitting jacks than Rios since I can talk myself into buying Rios’ “continued development” when he may have peaked last year. Whatever. Keep working those gaps Alexis.

Though we have swept the Mizzou shit, the upcoming schedule is eerily similar to another era of unbridled optimism. Remember when the Jays swept the Sox in their second series of the year? I was dreaming October back then until Beane’s boys came to Toronto and embarassed us behind some expendable Diamondbacks’ prospects. Shit, that sucked. Anyways beware of the similarities and hinder the expectations surrounding the upcoming road trip. After the trip, the Jays will have played 19 of 25 on the road. What the shit?

Otherness, brought to you by the Professor of Letter Recognition, Mr. Jamie Campbell. Did anyone witness the fiery bastard proudly inform the Rogers faithful that the Royals roster contained 5 players with surnames beginning with G? Is that Jamie’s “filler”? How many dyslexic research assistants did it take to present that as “air-worthy”?

Yesterday the Rogers’ crew cherrypicked my Lyle research. Dicks.

Sunday’s victory saw McGowan limit his walk total to zero for only the 2nd time in 11 starts. Very encouraging considering he walked 9 batters in his previous 11.1 innings.

The Jays allowed 3 ERs this series. No lime needed.

Rios strike from CF on Sunday was fucking beautiful. Though, Jose Guillen deserves some credit for being a fucking shit baserunner. 

It was either Saturday or Sunday that a Jay was thrown out at home for the first time this season. Peavy’s sublime streak finally ended.

McGowans’s breaking ball (I’m not entirely sure what pitch it is) is absolutely unhittable against left handed batters.


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Filed under Alexis Rios, Baseball, Dustin McGowan, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays

JP + Billy 4VR

Right now I will attempt to reduce the shame that JP must be feeling by offering an absurd theory as to why he is currently paying for his old boss’ DH. An old boss that supposedly taught the young JP to avoid exorbitant contracts.

JP and Beane have got to be working some sort of backdoor deal here. The JP is currently paying the Big Squirt (porn) 10 million to play on his mentor’s team while the As cap hit is the league minimum, a prorated $337,000 for the Frank’s services. What the fuck JP you aks? I say potential Godfather Clause. Leave the Beane family and he gets one freebie.

If JP wasn’t forced into letting Thomas go, then he must be the laughing stock of the Moneyball community right now. Beane probably only signed Thomas to punish JP for his ridicolous spending over the past few years (OK, Rios and Hill awesome, Thomas and Wells not so much)


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Filed under Baseball, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Toronto Blue Jays

The Real Vernon Wells?

What a soul-crushing defeat last nite. After getting out of jam after jam we lost it in the 9th when a tired Accardo got shelled for 4 runs in his first of what may be many blown saves. If only we hadn’t played him the nite before. Irregardless (I know), Accardo is in trouble. Highlights of Accardo’s season; 4 runs in two nites, opposing batters OBP – .417, anemic 2.08 WHIP. I have no explanation for this spike in shittiness but when Jays pitchers spectacularly underperform, injuries are usually revealed. His performance this April is eerily similar to that of Beejs’ last year.  Knock on wood.

The Fat Bust celebrates after delivering the Vern special – a 1st inning Jack. Dead Man’s A-Rod.

Despite the massive choke job of Accardo, the Jays still had an oppurtunity in the 9th to get back in the game but what do you know, Vern’s indifference once again fucked us. On two occasions last nite, Vern had the chance to put us up but twice shit his pants. 7th inning, bases juiced, ground out. 9th inning, two on, pop out. This has been three times in the past two nites that Vern has been a snivelling mess in a clutch situation. According to Baseball Reference, this gutless hitting has been a staple of Vern’s game. In his career hes hit only .240 in Late & Close games (7th inning on when down 1, tied, or up 1). Wow. Also, furthering the case to declare Wells a eunuch, is his penchant for tearing up Finesse pitchers while quivering at the sight of power pitchers (.321 v Finesse – .240 v Power). Sweet Leader. Even more horrifying for Jays fans is the players Baseball References feels are most comparable to Mr. Wells. AUBREY HUFF and TROT NIXON. The Trot Nixon that the Sox spit on two years ago. The Aubrey Huff who couldn’t crack the ORIOLES starting lineup. HOLY SHIT!!! We are so fucked!! And those stats were accumulated before he cashed in. Whos he going to be comparable to in the next 5 years? God help us. If you want to induce vomiting, heres the link:

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Filed under AL East, Baseball, canada, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells

Jays’ Issues

Tonite the Jays lost a shootout to the Oakland Athletics 9-8. After getting into a tit-for-tat affair early, the Jays were unable to ride the Big Mo’ of Frank Thomas’ 8th inning jack into a W. Jerermy Accardo’s continued struggling played a significant role as he gave up the tie-breaking run in a 9th inning appearance.

The Condor of Catchers legging out a run in an unrelated ballgame. Don’t know where exactly.

This could be karmic retaliation for my earlier discussion of Kurt Suzuki’s lineage or it could be karmic retalitation for John Gibbon’s decision to play his closer in a non-save situation. Im going to go with the latter if only because I feel potential Bruce Lee-game should be celebrated, not ignored. Regardless of who Kurt Suzuki’s father is, he should be commended for siring such a great ballplayer. Guy is definetely not your prototypical catcher. Has a great eye, hits for contact, and, most defiantly, has some speed in him. While it doesn’t take Donovan Bailey to score on a triple (or Bengie Molina for that matter), he was legging out ground balls at quite the clip. Would sure appreciate him if I was an A’s fan.

Now on to Gibbon’s rebellious decision. Why play Accardo in the 9th Johnny? You got Downs available, put him in. Closers are made for saves situation. I mean whoever the A’s manager is didn’t even have Street ready for the 9th (which was bullshit by the way; there should have been some sort of penalty for their shady stall). That was actually the 2nd instance of Gibbon’s distrusting nature. In the 5th, the dude pulled AJ 1 out before decision eligibility. 1 out!! Sure the situation may have called for the lefty Tallet but I’d risk it just to maintain a working relationship with your goddamn number 2. Gibbons may have just alienated two pieces in one game. Fuckin cowboy.

Now on to matters of a more serious nature. I don’t want to label Wells’ game as a failure or nothing since without his 3-run Jack we wouldn’t even have been in the situation, but his final AB irritated me. After Rios displayed his sublime discipline in the AB before, the Vern looks two strikes into the glove and bites on a balling curve. Something about the guy just does not scream clutch to me. He seems too non-chalant, too laid back to be clutch. Watching Big Frank and Eckstein this year has shown me what true intensity, true desire looks like, and I just don’t see it in Vern most nights. The way he was mugging after he looked that 2nd strike into the mitt really pissed me off. Either take it or erupt, theres no middle ground. I don’t care how funny you are, I care about Jays success. And it seems like I care more than Vern.   

On a lighter note, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Rod Black discuss “nibbling downstairs”. The stache heighthens innuendo to a greasiness unmatched by contemporaries. I am truly grateful to live in a country where visual media members can rock pornstaches without prosecution. Oh Canada.


Filed under Alexis Rios, Baseball, Bruce Lee, canada, Frank Thomas, Kurt Suzuki, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Reed Johnson, Rod Black, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells

Pulling for the Duchsch


Undoubtedly not the Duchsch

Now that the Jays look as unbeatable as AC Slater with Alex in the stands (I think D-Ex is the Alex to Big Frank’s Slater. Eee, bad visual) I have resorted to cheering for opposing players with names that have the potential to be manipulated into disgusting wordplay (ie. Papelbon, Sox Fans – Papelboner, Jays Fans – We Just smeared the Pap (I can’t be held accountable for ignorant parallels I draw to female hygiene. All I know is it sounds funny and is potentially insulting)) I am hoping that Mr. Duchscherer mans up and pitches this series so all the Jays fans have a go to heckling target (now that Butterfield is in hiding). Usually, saying something obvious about someone’s name is considered shitty or subpar within the heckling community, the insult Douchebag (which I believe sounds like Mr. Justin’s name) is timeless. Like the dirty Pap (I’m sorry), it evokes uncertain anxiety about female hygiene that cannot be topped by any other word in the vernacular. That being said, get well soon Mr. Duchscherer, we will be eagerly awaiting your arrival.

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Filed under Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays

A’s Massacre Pending

now that my Jay’s optimism is at a season high, I will now declare the A’s chances of winning a game this series to be few. Yes, my boldness and heroism know few boundaries they could not shatter, except those of actual consequences. When looking at the A’s roster I find it difficult to believe they could beat the Jays considering they have approximatelly ZERO recognizable names (everyday players anyways and we all know how overrated they have become). I will finally have to take the word of Jamie Campbell and The Unpaid’s as baseball gospel for they will tell me “these are the A’s” and I will have no logical rebuttal; this will pain me. No matter though since any announcer-derived pain can easily be remedied by some Jays’ W.

On a side note, did you know that the A’s catcher is named Kurt Suzuki? It surprised me as well, but supposedly he is 26 which makes me wonder A) whether Beane has somehow bypassed the Japanese League rules (kind of like the shameless Leaf’s attempt to render the NHL Draft obsolete) or B) whether or not we can add Kurt Suzuki’s father to the immortal duo of Bruce Lee and Paul Kariya’s father (thank you White Person Blog).

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Filed under Aaron Hill, Alexis Rios, Baseball, canada, david eckstein, Oakland Athletics, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells