Category Archives: New York Yankees

Yankees abandon Golden Thongs for Porn Staches

It looks like the Yankees are officially out of money. Between wasting money on spiteful digs and underachieving players, the New York Yankees have abandoned traditional developmental methods and turned to slimier measures; Golden Thongs and Porn Staches. Both Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon appear to be rocking the filthy staches usually reserved for Yankees’ fans.

How hard must it be for A-Rod to restrain himself from jumping Giambi’s tail? I mean if the Giambino is walking round the clubhouse with a golden thong AND Ron Jeremy stache, A-Rod must be spending half of his paycheck on Vaseline. Over/Under on days before embarrassing clubhouse masturbation revealed: 3. This actually may be troublesome for the Jays’ chances the next three days. With all that pent-up sexual frustration, A-Rod may rake this series. He went 3-4 with a jack last nite, the same nite Giambi’s smuttiness peaked. Some one should do a study on A-Rod’s statistical swings and his homosexual urges.

Hey Yankees, I’ve got a much better, and infinetely less embarassing, way to create team unity: sign Scotty Rolen.

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Filed under AL East, Baseball, Jason Giambi, Johnny Damon, Major League Baseball, New York Yankees, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays

Unnecessary lack of Cuba

Supposedly the Jays got some hot young Cuban in Dunedin right now. According to this article http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080406&content_id=381213&vkey=news_milb&fext=.jsp&partnered=rss_tor in his first ever Stateside start, he played pretty well and even called the game himself. Very exciting.

This dude’s success has got me thinking; Why don’t the Jays take advantage of their ability to scout Cuba? We could monopolize the whole talent pool. We could have Jays scouts based permenently in Cuba who would constantly restock the Jays’ system. If the Cuban players have a choice between rafting to Miami or flying to Toronto, whatdya think they’ll do? Granted I have no idea whether the government allows their citizens to leave whenever they please (I somehow doubt it) but I’m sure JP could work something out with the Castros. Plus all I ever hear about the AL East powers is how they are rebuilding their farm system and will be looking internally in the future. We got to keep up. Cubas where it’s at.

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Filed under Aaron Hill, AL East, Alexis Rios, Baseball, canada, Cuba, New York Yankees, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays

Opening Day

capt_e8324436b73a40a99b54e83c07481429_blue_jays_yankees_baseball_nyha120.jpg Fatass Melks hits chintziest HR ever at Yankee Stadium

3-2 Yanks W-Wang L-Halladay

Overall decent effort by the Jays tonite, who would have pulled it out if not for a couple Aaron Hill gaffs in the 7th. Now, there haven’t been too many opportunities to criticize the Jays for meek baserunning in the past, I think Peavy has seen the wrath Butterfields received and has promoted an environment of balllessness in order to avoid criticism. this is legit. Anyways this brings us to the 7th inning. Aaron Hill receives a gift when the ignorant Melks (that HR was a fuckin joke and those catches were mediocre at best) gets cocky and dives for an unattainable ball. this would have been a sure three-bagger considering the neanderthal Damon was throwing, but no, Hill comes up lame and costs us a sure run. Not only did Hill reveal his vagina tonite, he also fucked up an inning-ending DP in the same inning that handed the Yanks a run. come on Mr. Hill. i thought you were cool.

capt_58f531e730bf46a9b103340832c8c1b7_blue_jays_yankees_baseball_nyy109.jpgMr. X reveals what should have been a DP ball

Next up; Vern. not a good start for ‘the franchise’. while his awful attempt at highlight of the night in the 8th was remedied by some clutch Downs pitching, his bat was undoubtedly garbage. although i’ll concede his called K in the 8th was bullshit, the guy did hit into two double plays and grounded out once. i guess sinker balls ain’t his thang. he did deserve more out of that 8th inning AB against Joba, which was pretty sweet, though not nearly as sweet as Rios discipline clinic in the AB before.

despite the poor showings of Hill n Vern, the opener does breed optimism. i thoroughly enjoyed the antics of one Mr. Eckstein. guy looks and throws like a 10 year old. also, Gibbons willingness to run was a treat. though my grandmother could outrun Posada’s arm, his willingness to give the green light (3 SB – 2 to SCOOTSMARCO, 1 to Alexis) bodes well for the Jay’s season, as well as Mr. Rios, who I expect to have a 30-30 year. tomorrow we got AJ v. the Moose, surefire W i say.

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Filed under Aaron Hill, Alexis Rios, Baseball, New York Yankees, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells