Category Archives: canada

Chris Bosh on Jay Leno?!?!

Just finished watching Game 1 of the Finals, cruising the airwaves for some pre-sleep entertainment and I fell upon Jay Leno. Couldn’t believe who was on. Non other than the Toronto Raptors Chris Bosh. What the fuck you say? I felt the same way. But you know what? Bosh was fucking great. Actually legitmately, truly funny. I was shocked. Sure the guy had produced some low budget pseudo-comical skits in the past but tonite Bosh was showing off the chops. I guess Leno hired the Raptors franchise to provide some comedic Q & A from the Finals participants and Bosh killed it. He was throwing out some hilarious original questions, busting guys about short shorts, Sex and the City, and random skullets. Few of my favorites: Bosh asking Big Baby what Sex and the City character best represents him and getting a sincere answer that bordered on creepy. Getting ruined by the Mamba with a mean neck slap but getting back at him later in the piece with some Old Spice chirping. Another sweet bit featured some questioning of the Machine, Sasha Vujacic and whether or not Paris Hilton gave him the nickname. Some good ol’ wholesome entertainment. 

Though this is undoubtedly great for the present Raptors’ situation, this kind of exposure has me concerned. It was probably the first time millions of Americans were introduced to Bosh and he killed it. Would a budding national figure spend his prime in Canada, removed from mainstream American media? Who knows but like LBJ’s relationship with Jay-Z, Chris Bosh’s relationship with Jay Leno has me worried. My advice to Colangelo, lock this man up immediately. I don’t care if his extension just kicked in, I want to be in the Chris Bosh business. If tonite’s performance is any indication of what he is capable of in off-court promotion, the next decade could be the Raptors golden era.

Another thing, when Bosh was interviewing Kobe, the Leno crowd went crazy. It’s incredible how much they love him out there. Considering his “hobbies” and all.

I don’t have a link to the video since it just aired but it will probably be available on the NBC website or Red Lasso tomorrow. I implore ya to check it out. Bosh does not disappoint. Above is some classic Bosh comedy to whet the appetite.

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Filed under Basketball, canada, Chris Bosh, Glen Davis, Jay Leno, Kobe Bryant, NBA, Toronto Raptors

Canuck Showdown in the Twin Cities!!!

Big Matt celebrates his 1st Inning Grand Slam. Morneau was unable to replicate his success and therefore was ignored by Jay Onrait

Last nite saw the Jays defeat the Twins 6-5 behind a 1st inning Grand Slam from Matty Stairs. The Birthday Boy (Halladay for you inconsiderates) pitched poorly for the Doc (6.2 IP, 9 Hits, 4 ER, and 8 Ks) but still earned the W due to some decent relieving.

It was a motherfucking holdfest up in the HHH. For the second straight game at least 3 Jays’ relievers earned the magical H. And for the second straight game the only reliever who failed to earn the H was Jesse Carlson, whos apparently useless against Justin Morneau. The Canadian rocked him for a triple in Game 1 and a Jack in Game 2. After both ABs, Jesse was pulled.

Morneau once again fed off his fellow Canuck’s success by matching Matty’s Grand Slam with a Jack off his own personal Manny DelCarmen, Jesse Carlson. Or is it the other way around? Regardless I wish there were more Canucks in the league. We would be looking at years of potential MVPs considering the performance enhancement involved with clashing Canadians. I don’t know what this means. I guess theres only so much Sportscentre time dedicated to baseball highlights so the Canadians feel the need to outperform their countryman to secure airtime. Fucking hockey.

Otherness, today dedicated to Gregg Zaun and his phenomenal 1B coverage. In the hyperbolic tone of Joe Buck calling that Derek Jeter play, “A CATCHER HAS NO BUSINESS BEING IN THAT POSITION!!” If Zaun wasn’t a mediocre catcher who was busted for steroid abuse, he would be getting national attention (I’m talking American attention. There was an NHL playoff game last nite). At least Jamie Campbell was impressed.

The victim of Zaun’s genius was Toronto’s new whipping boy, Delmon Young, who idiotically rounded 1st and got gunned down by Wilks. Hes looked absolutely foolish this series. 5 tools my ass. Last nite Kevin Mench tagged up ON A LINE DRIVE TO LEFT FIELD!!! ON A SUPPOSED STUD!! KEVIN MENCH!!

The Jays’ were outhit 11-6 and still won. Pretty cool.

Gomez continued his amazing display in CF by making an unbelievable cutoff on a Scott Rolen 8th inning double. IMO, it rivalled any legitimate OF catch I’ve seen this season. Incredible talent.

Scotty Roles once again displayed magical plate discipline by taking 29 pitches in his 4 ABs. Add this to the 33 he took the night before and he has seen 62 pitches this series. In 9 ABs. Almost 7 pitches/AB. Fucking awesome.

Despite showing some sweet discipline at the dish, Rolen may have been involved in the worst steal attempt in baseball history. Luckily he was saved by the incompetent Jesse Crain, whose errant throw allowed Rolen to score the eventual game winning run. Apparently, Canadian Inspiration does not apply to Mr. Crain.

Scotty Downs got his 5th save of the season or the equivalent of the Beej!! total. Weird. And even weirder was the efficiency he displayed locking down the W. Even Beej!! hasn’t got a spotless save.


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Filed under B.J. Ryan, Baseball, canada, Carlos Gomez, Delmon Young, Jesse Carlson, Justin Morneau, Major League Baseball, Matty Stairs, Roy Halladay, Scott Rolen, Scotty Downs, Toronto Blue Jays

The Real Vernon Wells?

What a soul-crushing defeat last nite. After getting out of jam after jam we lost it in the 9th when a tired Accardo got shelled for 4 runs in his first of what may be many blown saves. If only we hadn’t played him the nite before. Irregardless (I know), Accardo is in trouble. Highlights of Accardo’s season; 4 runs in two nites, opposing batters OBP – .417, anemic 2.08 WHIP. I have no explanation for this spike in shittiness but when Jays pitchers spectacularly underperform, injuries are usually revealed. His performance this April is eerily similar to that of Beejs’ last year.  Knock on wood.

The Fat Bust celebrates after delivering the Vern special – a 1st inning Jack. Dead Man’s A-Rod.

Despite the massive choke job of Accardo, the Jays still had an oppurtunity in the 9th to get back in the game but what do you know, Vern’s indifference once again fucked us. On two occasions last nite, Vern had the chance to put us up but twice shit his pants. 7th inning, bases juiced, ground out. 9th inning, two on, pop out. This has been three times in the past two nites that Vern has been a snivelling mess in a clutch situation. According to Baseball Reference, this gutless hitting has been a staple of Vern’s game. In his career hes hit only .240 in Late & Close games (7th inning on when down 1, tied, or up 1). Wow. Also, furthering the case to declare Wells a eunuch, is his penchant for tearing up Finesse pitchers while quivering at the sight of power pitchers (.321 v Finesse – .240 v Power). Sweet Leader. Even more horrifying for Jays fans is the players Baseball References feels are most comparable to Mr. Wells. AUBREY HUFF and TROT NIXON. The Trot Nixon that the Sox spit on two years ago. The Aubrey Huff who couldn’t crack the ORIOLES starting lineup. HOLY SHIT!!! We are so fucked!! And those stats were accumulated before he cashed in. Whos he going to be comparable to in the next 5 years? God help us. If you want to induce vomiting, heres the link:

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Filed under AL East, Baseball, canada, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells

Unnecessary lack of Cuba

Supposedly the Jays got some hot young Cuban in Dunedin right now. According to this article in his first ever Stateside start, he played pretty well and even called the game himself. Very exciting.

This dude’s success has got me thinking; Why don’t the Jays take advantage of their ability to scout Cuba? We could monopolize the whole talent pool. We could have Jays scouts based permenently in Cuba who would constantly restock the Jays’ system. If the Cuban players have a choice between rafting to Miami or flying to Toronto, whatdya think they’ll do? Granted I have no idea whether the government allows their citizens to leave whenever they please (I somehow doubt it) but I’m sure JP could work something out with the Castros. Plus all I ever hear about the AL East powers is how they are rebuilding their farm system and will be looking internally in the future. We got to keep up. Cubas where it’s at.


Filed under Aaron Hill, AL East, Alexis Rios, Baseball, canada, Cuba, New York Yankees, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays

Jays’ Issues

Tonite the Jays lost a shootout to the Oakland Athletics 9-8. After getting into a tit-for-tat affair early, the Jays were unable to ride the Big Mo’ of Frank Thomas’ 8th inning jack into a W. Jerermy Accardo’s continued struggling played a significant role as he gave up the tie-breaking run in a 9th inning appearance.

The Condor of Catchers legging out a run in an unrelated ballgame. Don’t know where exactly.

This could be karmic retaliation for my earlier discussion of Kurt Suzuki’s lineage or it could be karmic retalitation for John Gibbon’s decision to play his closer in a non-save situation. Im going to go with the latter if only because I feel potential Bruce Lee-game should be celebrated, not ignored. Regardless of who Kurt Suzuki’s father is, he should be commended for siring such a great ballplayer. Guy is definetely not your prototypical catcher. Has a great eye, hits for contact, and, most defiantly, has some speed in him. While it doesn’t take Donovan Bailey to score on a triple (or Bengie Molina for that matter), he was legging out ground balls at quite the clip. Would sure appreciate him if I was an A’s fan.

Now on to Gibbon’s rebellious decision. Why play Accardo in the 9th Johnny? You got Downs available, put him in. Closers are made for saves situation. I mean whoever the A’s manager is didn’t even have Street ready for the 9th (which was bullshit by the way; there should have been some sort of penalty for their shady stall). That was actually the 2nd instance of Gibbon’s distrusting nature. In the 5th, the dude pulled AJ 1 out before decision eligibility. 1 out!! Sure the situation may have called for the lefty Tallet but I’d risk it just to maintain a working relationship with your goddamn number 2. Gibbons may have just alienated two pieces in one game. Fuckin cowboy.

Now on to matters of a more serious nature. I don’t want to label Wells’ game as a failure or nothing since without his 3-run Jack we wouldn’t even have been in the situation, but his final AB irritated me. After Rios displayed his sublime discipline in the AB before, the Vern looks two strikes into the glove and bites on a balling curve. Something about the guy just does not scream clutch to me. He seems too non-chalant, too laid back to be clutch. Watching Big Frank and Eckstein this year has shown me what true intensity, true desire looks like, and I just don’t see it in Vern most nights. The way he was mugging after he looked that 2nd strike into the mitt really pissed me off. Either take it or erupt, theres no middle ground. I don’t care how funny you are, I care about Jays success. And it seems like I care more than Vern.   

On a lighter note, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Rod Black discuss “nibbling downstairs”. The stache heighthens innuendo to a greasiness unmatched by contemporaries. I am truly grateful to live in a country where visual media members can rock pornstaches without prosecution. Oh Canada.


Filed under Alexis Rios, Baseball, Bruce Lee, canada, Frank Thomas, Kurt Suzuki, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Reed Johnson, Rod Black, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells

A’s Massacre Pending

now that my Jay’s optimism is at a season high, I will now declare the A’s chances of winning a game this series to be few. Yes, my boldness and heroism know few boundaries they could not shatter, except those of actual consequences. When looking at the A’s roster I find it difficult to believe they could beat the Jays considering they have approximatelly ZERO recognizable names (everyday players anyways and we all know how overrated they have become). I will finally have to take the word of Jamie Campbell and The Unpaid’s as baseball gospel for they will tell me “these are the A’s” and I will have no logical rebuttal; this will pain me. No matter though since any announcer-derived pain can easily be remedied by some Jays’ W.

On a side note, did you know that the A’s catcher is named Kurt Suzuki? It surprised me as well, but supposedly he is 26 which makes me wonder A) whether Beane has somehow bypassed the Japanese League rules (kind of like the shameless Leaf’s attempt to render the NHL Draft obsolete) or B) whether or not we can add Kurt Suzuki’s father to the immortal duo of Bruce Lee and Paul Kariya’s father (thank you White Person Blog).

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Filed under Aaron Hill, Alexis Rios, Baseball, canada, david eckstein, Oakland Athletics, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells


Why does this happen? Why do I constantly allow myself to be seduced by a Jays’ sweep? Oh ya, because they never happen!! The 08 Jays are FOR REAL!! Big Frank’s decision to partake in fielding drills has led to one of his best starts in a Jay’s uni, despite the fact hes still hitting below the Mendoza but what ever, Grand Slams buy ignorance. The guy is rejuvenated. I think his slow start last year may have been due to the absurd expectations surrounding his signing with the Jays. I mean you can’t expect someone to repeat the season Big Frank had with Oakland. I think the arrival of the St. Loo vets has removed the burden he may have felt to be a leader that according to Ozzie Guillen, Big Frank just isn’t. Now that theres no need to continue such a sherade he can focus on what he does best; rake. And yes I just used the word sherade while discussing sports. I’m progressive like that.

Besides the juvenatish of Big Frank, we have been blessed to be witness to the Eckstein. I mean has anyone won over the hearts of a fanbase as quickly as D-X has. He has become my favorite Jay after 6 games. I got chills when he sprinted to 1st after that epic AB in the 7th of Friday’s game. Guy goes down 0-2 and fights off or takes the next 9 pitches before getting the walk (even watching it unfold on the net is inspiring – You could just feel the following rally was inevitable. Any team that doesn’t get hyped by that kind of performance should be sent to AAA (or the NL at least). But seriously, how blessed are we these days? I’m actually debating whether or not Rolen should be placed back in the lineup when his fingernail stops hurting. Scoots is playin some good ball and I don’t want to mess with the beauty that is the modern Jays. An embarassment of riches we have.

Absurd gushing aside, some things have got me a lil’ worried. First and foremost would be the Doc’s early  penchant for giving up Jacks to LH batters. I mean 4 in two games, whats the deal sir? Guy only gave up 15 all of last year. Hopefully he’ll get that under control. Actually, thats all I’m concerned about. Wow. This season is going to be awesome.

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Filed under Aaron Hill, Alexis Rios, Baseball, canada, david eckstein, Frank Thomas, Major League Baseball, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells