Category Archives: Baseball

Rick Reilly is tired of these Mother F****** Atheists in his Mother F****** Country

“It’s a bad night to be an atheist” – Rick Reilly, July 14, 2008

This particular nugget of arrogance came from the beacon of sports journalism himself after the ESPN announcing team exhausted all reliable descriptions of amazement while Hamilton was punishing the rawhide, leaving the crew to spit Hyperbole like a prompter-less (and retarded) politician.

Yes Rick, all atheists have been following Josh Hamilton, attempting to bring failure and relapse upon him through witchcraft and blasphemy. They’ve put chotch in his coffee and heroin in his fondue. Hamilton voodoo dolls are best-sellers in the underground Atheishops poisoning your community. But now that Mr. Hamilton has broken Derby records, Josh’s relapse will obviously not happen. The tight-knit atheist community has failed. They will now acknowledge the existence of your savior, dwell on the sentimental, and preach to the ignorant.

Reilly’s comment is infuriating for the number of falsities it evokes: 1, Atheists hate Josh Hamilton, 2 Atheists hate Home Runs, 3 Atheists hate believers hitting Home Runs, 4, Atheists LOOOOVE Drugs, 5, Only the pious can kick habits, and finally,  6, Atheists congregate to sabotage the life of Josh Hamilton and every other practicing member of organized religion.

Reilly, unlike Religion, being an atheist is not life-defining. It’s a footnote. To me, it seems like little more than uncomfortable party fodder. No one is proudly claiming to be an Atheist or basing their REAL-LIFE decisions upon their LAW-SUPPORTED choice not to worship or others’ LAW-SUPPORTED choice to. As much as the idiotic Reilly believes, Atheism does not revolve around the systematic sabotage of organized religion.

Whatever. Keep up the hypocrisy. The worst thing about Reilly’s comment is the complete disregard it shows for Hamilton’s family and friends. You know, the earthly presence that guided and supported Hamilton through his recovery. As much as Reilly believes Jesus was the one suffering from Hamilton’s addiction, this is more than likely not the case. Actual people suffered and struggled through the worst and best of Hamilton’s demise and recovery. While it would be fucking awesome if Jesus himself convinced Hamilton to stop doing blow, I kind of doubt he did. His wife, mother, father, brothers, sisters, and friends were paramount during his realization of his problem and the presumed horrendous rehabilitation period that followed. They deserve all the credit in the world* for what Josh Hamilton has achieved these past two seasons. His new-found belief was inspired by their benevolence. Though granted, I’m sure Jesus was giving a big Thumbs Up from his Deluxe Apartment in the Sky**. 

This shit sounds like a WWE call out. Ya I see you Atheists. I see you peddling smack on the corner of the Rangers’ hotel. You know what? Rick Reilly don’t play dat. You know what he’s gonna do? Tell God to rig the Derby. Ya, no Devil-Worshippers winning this Derby, no sir. You know what he’s gonna do then? Rub it in that minuscule sub-culture’s face!!! YAAAAA, and you who’s next on the Reilly’s denouncing list? The Gays!!! OHHH YAAAA.

It’s similar to proclaiming “It’s a bad nite to be a Jew” after Ryan Braun was eliminated or “Fuck You Canucks!!!” after Morneau was pummeled. Leave beliefs, race and nationality out of it. It’s the FUCKING HOME RUN DERBY. Just enjoy it. Don’t use Hamilton’s incredible accomplishment as a soapbox to criticize and divide. Everyone enjoys Home Runs. Everyone respects Redemption. And I hope after Monday night, everyone ignores Rick Reilly.

*Besides Hamilton himself, who should be applauded (a lil’ more, but that’s it) for what he’s accomplished

**Although according to the ESPN crew, Hamilton still does not trust himself enough not to seek out the drugs that ruined his life and travels with a friend who keeps him on the straight and arrow. Mr. Christ, paging Mr. Christ

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Filed under Baseball, ESPN, Josh Hamilton, Major League Baseball, Texas Rangers

What about Colin Cowherd?

After witnessing the blogosphere crucify Joe Buck for his lack of interest in watching baseball, I have to wonder why Colin Cowherd isn’t receiving the same treatment. Buck is paid to describe events. He’s not paid to offer analysis or insight. Call the game. That’s his job. If a prominent color man said the same things, I could understand the reaction, but a play-by-play guy? Who gives a shit. Plus, a lack of research would even alleviate the biggest criticism surrounding his announcing, which involves not allowing the game to breath?, or something to that effect. If the guy doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, the guy won’t speak. Seems win-win for everyone.

My issue is with Cowherd, who admitted the same sins as Buck, but with a heightened exhaustion for professional sports. Cowherd is paid to offer interesting insight on the world of sports. The entertainment of his show is based on his level of research and understanding. How the hell is he going to do this without watching games, and furthermore, how can any one tune into his show after he revealed he doesn’t have time to watch sports*?

*This could be the reason for the blogosphere’s disregard for his revelation. No one listens anyways.

Aside: I know Cowherd isn’t the voice of America’s pastime, and his audience isn’t nearly the size of Buck’s, but his livelihood as a successful radio host is based upon intelligent opinions (which most will probably say he completely lacks, but whatever) derived from experiencing sporting events. Buck basically plays I-Spy with Tim McCarver**.

**He always wins.

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Filed under Baseball, Joe Buck, Major League Baseball

Steve Lyons, Again?

Steve Lyons was just on the Score’s Drive This and he may’ve stepped in another pile of shit. While discussing the social habits of his former teammate Ozzie Guillen, Lyons began telling a story about how he and Guillen fleeced a couple of Texans when they were teammates in Chicago. After seeing some big Texans tossing past a bar’s Speed Gun, Lyons approached them and claimed to be able to find a patron who could top their speed. He chose Ozzie Guillen. Being that, this is not a word-for-word transcript of Lyon’s tale, “He looked like he should be in the back washing dishes”, the Texans happily agreed. Ozzie threw 10 Miles faster and Lyons collected $100.

Considering Lyons’ past, today’s storytelling could cause a shitstorm without context. While delivering the dishwashing line, it was clear Lyons was not referring to Guillen’s nationality but his physical stature, being that the Ozzie of old’s stature screamed dishwasher, not professional ballplayer. I didn’t even notice the potential insensitivity of the line until it was pointed out by my buddy. Who knows.

UPDATE: Transcript from the Score Website

Richard Garner: A character for sure…

Steve Lyons: The craziest thing that we ever did was we were in a bar in Texas one time and there were these big cowboys that came in with their little girlfriends and they had one of those speed pitch machines in this bar, ya know, throw it as hard as you can. And I meandered over there while the big guys were throwing the ball and I said, you know what, I bet I could pick out any kid in this bar and they could throw the ball harder than any of you guys are. They said, “Ya, go ahead”. I said, I’ll take that little scrawny kid over there that looks like he should be washing dishes in the back…and it was Ozzie. And he came over and flipped the ball like he was turning a double play and he threw it 10 miles faster than any of those guys could. And I bet them a hundred bucks and walked away with their money.

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Filed under Baseball, Major League Baseball, Ozzie Guillen, Steve Lyons, The Score

Newfie Oilman Pimps Jays in Time Magazine

While taking a break from not shitting today I was leafing through the latest Time Magazine and discovered a Newfie Oilman name-dropping the Jays’ HQ. Much love Newfoundland. Albeit the reference was dated (he referred to the Rogers Centre as the SkyDome) and completely irrelevant to anything the Jays do (this was displayed through the explanatory aside educating the masses that the Toronto Blue Jays play there). Supposedly the man was proud of his ability to dig, doing enough in one day to fill the Dome. Cool. Exposure…

 

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Filed under Baseball, Major League Baseball, Time Magazine, Toronto Blue Jays

Yankees abandon Golden Thongs for Porn Staches

It looks like the Yankees are officially out of money. Between wasting money on spiteful digs and underachieving players, the New York Yankees have abandoned traditional developmental methods and turned to slimier measures; Golden Thongs and Porn Staches. Both Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon appear to be rocking the filthy staches usually reserved for Yankees’ fans.

How hard must it be for A-Rod to restrain himself from jumping Giambi’s tail? I mean if the Giambino is walking round the clubhouse with a golden thong AND Ron Jeremy stache, A-Rod must be spending half of his paycheck on Vaseline. Over/Under on days before embarrassing clubhouse masturbation revealed: 3. This actually may be troublesome for the Jays’ chances the next three days. With all that pent-up sexual frustration, A-Rod may rake this series. He went 3-4 with a jack last nite, the same nite Giambi’s smuttiness peaked. Some one should do a study on A-Rod’s statistical swings and his homosexual urges.

Hey Yankees, I’ve got a much better, and infinetely less embarassing, way to create team unity: sign Scotty Rolen.

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Filed under AL East, Baseball, Jason Giambi, Johnny Damon, Major League Baseball, New York Yankees, Scott Rolen, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays

A Tale of Two Catchers

 

The Jays have turned things around since May 9th, the day many thought would be the end of their playoff chances. But behind the MLB’s best pitching staff (leads the league in ERA), the Jays have crawled back to within 3 Games of the AL East leading Rays and currently stand at 31-26. This marks the first time the Jays have been 5 games over .500 since 1997*. So whats driving the resurgence of the Blue Birds besides the consistently sublime pitching? I say the Catcher Quandry. Though I hadn’t even considered the catching platoon to be an issue, after looking at some numbers, it appears as if Gregg Zaun enjoys spearheading Losses. In Games the recently calmed Zaunn has appeared in (significant playing time, no pinch hitting, sub bullshit), the Jays have gone 16-21. He was also involved in an anemic April stretch that saw the Jays lose 11 of 12 in  which he played. The other side of the coin reveals the brilliance of Ontario’s finest, Mr. Rod Barajas. In games the Barajas plays in, the Jays have gone 17-10. The post-Mitchell era has been cruel to Mr. Zaun.

Otherness, to Mr. McGowan for extending the Cycle of Litsch streak to an unprecedented four games. When will people see the invigorating properties of Litsch?

Shannon Stewart has a 224 point difference between his batting average in Jays’ wins compared with his batting average in Jays’ losses. Catalyst? Just maybe. All this despite being endowed with the names Harold and Shannon. Amazing.

Though he’s my favorite Jay, arguments concerning his prominence in the lineup are continuing to look bleaker everyday. The Rios is hitting 18 points better in Jays losses. The Jays have won despite him this year. However,  I do take comfort in the company he keeps atop the GIDP leaderboard. Some future HOFs right there.

Matty Stairs has some seriously fucked splits. He is currently hitting .071 against LHP and .300 v RHP. The Canadian boy has also proved my longtime suspicion that he hates Canada by hitting .206 at the Rogers Centre and .333 on the Road.

Props to Baseball Reference for refusing to abandon the Skydome. Strange how the insanely updated site still refers to buildings by their 20th century names. Seriously Awesome.

Among MLB pitchers with more than 60 IP, Jesse Litsch is 17th in Run Support. Dustin McGowan, not so lucky (though that will change after the explosion last nite) He is currently 85th of 86 pitchers with 2.78 Runs/Start.

The Jays are currently rocking two pitchers in the WHIP Top 3!! Marcum is #1 with the Doc coming in at #3.

Marcum is also leading the league by quite some margin in Opponent’s batting average. He has made the AL his collective bitch, allowing them to hit only .160 thus far. Or, for awesomeness context, 20 points less than the next best pitcher!!

Litsch has the fewest BBs among pitchers with 60 IP with 9. Doc has the 3rd fewest with 11.

Though these figures will probably never be topped in the history of man, one number suggests they could be even better. According to the Jays ERC percentage, the pitching staff has been UNLUCKY so far this season. If the figure is less than 100, than it is assumed they have been unlucky. The Jays number: 94!!! Look for a 1-2-3-4-5 showing in the Cy Young voting come October. For a more detailed explanation check this out: http://www.baseball-stats-online.com/bbso/glossary/pglossary.html

*No actual evidence to support

 

 

 

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Filed under AL East, Alexis Rios, Baseball, Dustin McGowan, Jesse Litsch, Major League Baseball, Toronto Blue Jays

Fear for the Mo’

This afternoon, the Jays usurped the Royals (yesssss) 7-2 to finish off the sweep. Marcum continued his brilliant 2008, giving up 1 earned and maintaining his petty 0.87 WHIP. This guy hasn’t given up more than 6 hits all year. From what I understand about sabermetrics, that is money. The unlikely duo of Scoots and Zaun launched a few jacks into the Roger Centre seats, with the Scoots adding a stolen base as well. Rios too displayed the hybrid game, hitting a 2Bagger and stealing 2nd. It looks like Rios’ power game has not left him and if today’s performance is any indicator of future progress, expect him to be in the 30-30 club by August. Real talk (ye ye Real World assholes). I’d almost prefer to see Scutaro hitting jacks than Rios since I can talk myself into buying Rios’ “continued development” when he may have peaked last year. Whatever. Keep working those gaps Alexis.

Though we have swept the Mizzou shit, the upcoming schedule is eerily similar to another era of unbridled optimism. Remember when the Jays swept the Sox in their second series of the year? I was dreaming October back then until Beane’s boys came to Toronto and embarassed us behind some expendable Diamondbacks’ prospects. Shit, that sucked. Anyways beware of the similarities and hinder the expectations surrounding the upcoming road trip. After the trip, the Jays will have played 19 of 25 on the road. What the shit?

Otherness, brought to you by the Professor of Letter Recognition, Mr. Jamie Campbell. Did anyone witness the fiery bastard proudly inform the Rogers faithful that the Royals roster contained 5 players with surnames beginning with G? Is that Jamie’s “filler”? How many dyslexic research assistants did it take to present that as “air-worthy”?

Yesterday the Rogers’ crew cherrypicked my Lyle research. Dicks.

Sunday’s victory saw McGowan limit his walk total to zero for only the 2nd time in 11 starts. Very encouraging considering he walked 9 batters in his previous 11.1 innings.

The Jays allowed 3 ERs this series. No lime needed.

Rios strike from CF on Sunday was fucking beautiful. Though, Jose Guillen deserves some credit for being a fucking shit baserunner. 

It was either Saturday or Sunday that a Jay was thrown out at home for the first time this season. Peavy’s sublime streak finally ended.

McGowans’s breaking ball (I’m not entirely sure what pitch it is) is absolutely unhittable against left handed batters.

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Filed under Alexis Rios, Baseball, Dustin McGowan, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays