Patriots’ Offseason Insanity Continues

First, Deadspin broke newsthe Patriots’ cheerleading squad would feature jailbait next year, and now it’sbeen revealed that Nick Kaczur was…drugdealers’…bait…for…jail (yessss) And they totally devoured what Kaczur was selling!! Or buying. Whatever, those mofos are going to jail because of Mr. Kaczur.

Many strange things involving this story, besides the obvious (covert O-Linemen ain’t a common breed) . First off, I had no idea this scenario actually played out in real life. Its like the butler punishment in Seinfeld. Or the backstory for the short lived, but forever cherished, Fastlane. So the DEA was running low on capable undercover agents so they thought a public figure would be most effective? Where the hell did this sting go down? Hopefully not in New England because I think, and this is pure speculation, there are football fans in New England. Or are all 6’6 300 pound men indistinguishable from one another? And the prototypical Oxycontin user? Insanity.

Second, isn’t “snitching” a much condemned action these days. I saw a 60 Minutes Piece on it for christ sakes. Will Rodney Harrison shun the Kaczur come September? I mean the only dude he’s ever snitched on was himself. I know Vinny Wilfork will be throwing bows. I think they teach anti-snitching courses at the U.

Finally, all this Patriot dysfunction thus far is starting to make the Patriots a palpable team if only because they’re completely fucked. Just 6 months ago, this was the ideal and infuriating franchise. Now everything has gone to shit. Brady in Giants’ hats. Snitching Linemen. Marketing department courting pedophiles. Such epic, and unbelievable, behavior has me itching for what comes next. What’s next? Some Sauerbraun smash? Some Kyle Brady identity theft? Hookers? Blow? The favorite for absurdity has got to be Vinny Forks. It must be impossible for him to control his injurious urges in the off-season. For your viewing pleasure I have included Vinny’s greatest hit, The Flying Bow.

P.S. Stay tuned for an outpour of Nick Kaczur apologists. If Josh Hamilton has taught us anything, besides proving finding friends at tattoo parlors may not be the best course of action, it’s that the mainstream sports media loves white athletes who kick habits.


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Filed under Drugs, Football, New England Patriots, NFL, Nick Kaczur

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