Monthly Archives: May 2008

Tom Brady feels that Invincible huh?

Alrite, lets break it down Tommy Boy. You play for a Boston sports team, your presence here today indicates you support another Boston sports team, yet you’re arrogant enough to rock another city’s baseball cap? From San Fransisco, no less. Thats pretty queer there, Brady.

Check out douchebag Tom Brady sitting courtside at the Celtic-Cavs game today. Are you serious Brady? Your gonna wear a San Fransisco Giants cap to a Boston Celtics game? I know no one would dare criticize anything you do, but come on, why would you risk alienating the Boston faithful to show your support for a joke of a franchise that won’t be relevant for 10 years? Have you heard of Barry Zito? The other 100 Giants fans will understand if you switch allegiances to the Sox.

I know you probably have to keep a low profile or whatever but I think the Bostonians would prefer to see you wearing this then a Giants’ cap. To quote the Sports Guy, it appears as if Brady has entered the Keith Hernandez echelon of athlete arrogance.



Filed under Baseball, Basketball, Boston Celtics, San Fransisco Giants, Tom Brady

Darts eh?

Fistpump. Beej!!, Doc, and Marcum all contributed tonite, which could be the last time we see that until Playoffs. Ya Playoffs.

The Sportsnet keeps fucking me over with infuriating consistency. Whenver I’m pumped to watch some Jays’ ball, some imcompetent Sportsnet producer feels the need to deny me what I need. Today, a few rain delays caused the lazy, wasteful assholes running the shittiest Sports network in Canada to abandon any further broadcasting. In the place of the Jays: Darts! While darts can be entertaining in the right situation (weekday afternoons or drunken boredom, or a combo) due to the brilliant announcers (One Hundred and Eigggghttty!! Words don’t do it justice. The cigarette laced growls are symphonic), Sunday afternoons were invented for some ball. What made this shit even worse was the fact Sportsnet could have shown us some Jays’ action but were too fuckin lazy to broadcast it nationwide. Instead they instructed us to tune into Sportsnet East and for some fucked reason I only get Ontario, Pacific, and West. Brutal.

At least the Jays took the series though and continued their streak of clutchness by knocking in all of their runs in two outs situations. The Lyle entered the game to little expectations and defied everyone who lost faith by hitting a three run jack in the 5th. Nice. The others were knocked in by Shannon and Rod, the discarded vets of old, who could probably be mistaken for a nice suburban pair to the uneducated.

Otherness Dedicated to the shitty Philly weather, whose brutal timing forced Gibbs to waste the arms of our two aces, Marcum and Doc. I have no idea what this will mean for the future rotation. Whose going on Tuesday now? Please do not subject us to more Purcey. Give Brett Cecil a shot. Or Ricky Romero. Or the mysterious Cuban guy.

Beej!! once again made the 9th interesting for casual fans and horrifying for diehard Jays’ supporters by allowing a solo jack to Pat Burrell.  One spotless 9th Beej!! or I will so stop referring to you with exclamation points. Aaah, thatll never happen. No one can talk about the Beej!! without yelling.

For the second time this week (or more, I’m too lazy to research this assertion) the Jays were outhit but still managed to win due to their collective clutchness. The Phillies outhit the Jays 13-6. How awesome is that? I like being able to question the manhood of other teams. Its pretty foreign. Even sweeter was the fact that greasy fuck Werth was one of the castrated by Jays’ pitching.



Leave a comment

Filed under B.J. Ryan, Baseball, Major League Baseball, Rod Barajas, Roy Halladay, Shannon Stewart, Shawn Marcum, Toronto Blue Jays

Flawed Stars Duel in Game 7

Pierce after forcing up 40, forced out some emotion.  When was the last time jumping intensity intimidated anyone? Has that even been done before?

This afternoon, the Boston Celtics defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers 97-92 in Game 7 of their Eastern Semifinals. The victory ensured the Detroit-Boston Final everyone was hoping for (seriously, I doubt a repeat of the Cavs-Pistons showdown would ever live up to its predecessor. Plus, who would you cheer for? LeBron may be the most unlikeable transcendent talent of all-time and the Pistons are arrogant pricks who have improved little since their breakthrough six years ago) behind a phenomenal game from Paul Pierce, who scored 41 points, which amazingly wasn’t enough to be the game’s top scorer. The “Global Icon” dropped 45 points on the Cs, which must have had the fanbase horrified for the duration. I seriously doubted Pierce’s ability to keep draining shots, but surprisingly, he kept it up the whole game. On the other hand, I had full confidence in LeBron’s clutchness, considering the way he single-handidly destroyed the Pistons last year. Yet the epitome of the one man team could not defeat the epitome of a team.

The “Icon” pissing and moaning

IMO, LeBron is the most unlikeable star in the NBA. While others may have legal problems or whatnot, they at least acknowledge their teammates. They at least keep their arrogance in check. LeBron displays no ironic self-awareness while referring to himself in third-person. He interacts more with the opposing team’s crowd then he does with his teammates. For instance, on multiple occasions in Game 7, Delonte West turned the ball over on passes intended for LeBron. Instead of giving him a pat on the behind or an encouraging word, the asshole felt the best way to be a good teammate was to completely ignore him and sneer like a tantruming child. It was fucking infuriating.  

As for the other star SF, Paul Pierce is also, unfortunately, flawed. I’m not taking anything away from his game, which was phenomenal, but he seems to regress into old habits developed on shitty teams. He seemed completely fixated on besting LeBron. While it certainly worked today, shit like that is retarded when your team is built around unselfish play. Plus, his “intensity” appears completely forced and contrived, almost like an imitation of KG. His outbursts of emotion are nearly as embarrassing as Tom Bradys’ or Chris Boshs’. I had to change the channel whenever he started howling. (Paul, for a reminder of true emotion, see Eddie House and James Posey in the 2nd quarter after House ran the length of the floor to save a loose ball. That shit gave me goosebumps) Pierce’s “emotional outbursts” may have me so ashamed because they usually occur on his own. Like LeBron and countless other athletes who prefer to celebrate alone, Pierce constantly seems to separate himself from his teammates after a big play. I honestly don’t get this. Who the fuck are they yelling at?

Another thing that worries me about Pierce’s position on the Cs is the way he celebrated near the end of the game. Most concerning was the way he smiled after that first free throw near the end of the game. Sure, their was 8 seconds left in the game. Sure, the Cs had a 4 point lead that would soon be extended to 5. Sure, it was a funny bounce. But fuck Pierce, save the smiling for the locker room, you ass. Everyone else on your team saw the bounce but didn’t feel the need to chuckle. It felt so fucking contrived on Pierce’s part, like he knew it would be the defining moment of his playoff career and he wanted to appear confident enough to laugh in crunch time. Everything he does seems forced, like hes the NBA’s Dexter or something. 

KG certainly wasn’t laughing (KG has officially become the benchmark for comparing NBA players) After the game, KG solemnly walked to the locker room, while Pierce yucked it up with the sideline reporters, a shit eating grin pasted on his face for the duration. You realize the playoffs are only half over Pierce? You realize you play in two days? Sure it may be the peak of your career, but no one gives a shit about your defining game unless it leads to something meaningful. Like a Championship.

This worries me. There needs to be a “good” side in the NBA Finals and right now there are only two “good” teams alive: New Orleans and Boston. Right now, there is a 66.6% chance (holy shit) the West will be repped by an “evil” team (Top Reasons for “Evil” Label: #1. Led by Rapist #472. Team full of prissy, unlikable Internationals #596. Team peaked 6 years ago. Popularity peaked 7 years ago) and a 50% chance of “Evil” coming from the East. Everything about the Cs are likable except for Pierce, which is alrite considering he will little credit for success and the majority of the blame for failure. Whatever, go New Orleans.


Leave a comment

Filed under Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Dexter, Kevin Garnett, Lebron James, NBA, New Orleans Hornets, Paul Pierce, San Antonio Spurs

Scheduling Mayhem

Today I’m a little pissed about the scheduling practices of both the NBA and Sportsnet. Last nite I was robbed, for the second straight day, of some Jays’ baseball because of somebody’s (I have no idea who) fondness for the Memorial Cup. The fucking Memorial Cup! The most goddamn regionally appealing oversight of all time. I know the 4 teams are supposed to “represent” the regions their based in but who are we kidding, no one gives a fuck about Junior hockey unless they live in the team’s homebase. It’s a glorified high school hockey tournament. And the four teams justifying the Jays’ removal from the airwaves: the Belleville Bulls (population of 49000), the Gatineau Olympiques (242000, allrite, legit) the Kitchener Rangers (204000) and wait for it, the fucking Spokane Chiefs (I won’t even give the population since this particular “Canadian” franchise is located in Washington)

What genius dreamed up the fallacy of demand for Junior Hockey in Washington State. I hope they realize that even Gary Fucking Bettman wasn’t retarded enough to expand into that market. The Pacific Northwest has ZERO NHL franchises. Seriously.

The NHL Franchises. I guess the WHL commish hasn’t seen it.

Anyways I’m getting off topic. In short, Fuck the Memorial Cup Sportsnet. If you must broadcast that shit, do so in the Canadian Shield. Ontario doesn’t give a fuck.

Though not as personally insulting, the NBA’s scheduling practices are certainly fucked. Though the NO-SA Game 6 was on Thursday nite, they won’t be playing until Monday. Making this all the more bizarre is the fact BOS-CLE played last nite and will play on Sunday. What the shit? Three days rest for the Southern ballers but the Seaboard’s finest (and the Midwestern Jesus Shuttlesworth. Bad reference) only get one. How is that possibly fair Stern? What the hell are you trying to manufacture here?

THEOREM TIME! WOO! After doing some half-assed research I have found that…there is little correlation between certain time off and Stern’s desired result, which I assume would be New Orleans and Boston victories since no one’s excited about the possiblity of a repeat SA-CLE series. Besides no theory of mine could counter the homecourt advantage revolution of this year’s playoffs. Anyways, here’s some numbers I futilely looked up.


-100.6 Points/Game Total  –  100.2 Points/Game with 1 days rest
-47.5 FG% Total  –  47.5 FG% with 1 days rest
-22.4 Assists/Game Total  –  22.7 Assists/Game with 1 days rest
-14.4 TOs/Game  –  14.3 TOs/Game with 1 days rest

-96.4 Points/Game Total  –  95.0 Points/Game with 1 days rest
-43.9 FG% Total  –  43.1% FG% with 1 days rest
-20 Assists/Game Total  –  20.4 Assists/Game with 1 days rest
-13.2 TOs/Game Total  –  12.5 TOs/Game with 1 days rest               


-92.3 Points/Game with 3 days rest  –  95.4 Points/Game Total
-21.5 Assists/Game with 3 days rest  –  21.0 Assists/Game Total
-45.5 FG% with 3 days rest  –  45.7 FG % Total
-13.3 TOs/Game with 3 days rest  –  12.0 TOs/Game Total

-96.0 Points/Game with 3 days rest  –  100.9 Points/Game Total
-19.1 Assists/Game with 3 days rest  –  21.8 Assists/Game Total
-46.2 FG% with 3 days rest  –  46.6 FG% Total                                    
-13.4 TOs/Game with 3 days rest  –  11.3 TOs/Game Total                                           




1 Comment

Filed under Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Major League Baseball, Memorial Cup, New Orleans Hornets, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Blue Jays

Afternoons in Minneapolis

So I come home from work excited for some beers, some chow, and the potential for a Jays’ sweep. While all three of these things have or will happen, I was hoping to combine them in a melding of lazy ectstasy. Instead, I will have to eat and drink while watching fucking hockey. Apparently, the Twins’ braintrust (yes I realize no one from Minnesota had any hand in this debacle but I dislike Minnesotans. They’re the American equivalent of Tobans’. I think) feels the need to schedule games in the afternoon. In a dome for fucks sake. I thought the whole point of afternoon ball was to enjoy the daytime sunlight. This is obviously impossible in the shithole that is the HHH. Its not like the two teams have far to travel for tomorrow’s games either. The Jays’ are going to Philly and the Twins’ to Colarado. Fucking schedule. Now I have to relive the game through MLB Gameday.

Anyways, despite not playing a part in the sweep-clinching W (I feel my attention produces wins), I am stoked (bro) the Jays’ pulled it off. In extra innings no less. And Rios actually contributed. Although he only had one hit, it produced one of the runs in the 3-2 11 inning victory. The Jays’ once again rode a early inning burst to the W with a 2 run 3rd.

Otherness, Gibbons almost fucked up pitching assignments once again as he only had one reliever left in the pen when the game ended. I guess you could argue that Shawn Camp could have remained in the game had the Jays not scored the run in the 11th, but thats not encouraging either. Whatever we got the W and thats all that counts.

Apparently (I say this because I have no first hand knowledge of such an occurence. Besides numerical evidence) Dustin McGowan was wild tonite this afternoon. I thought Gibby may have performed another premature pull until I saw his pitch count. 104 in 5 innings? Shit. I’m a little concerned with Chairman Gow’s last two outings.

Jesse Crain once again shit the bed by allowing the game clinching run for the second straight game. Right on Jesse.

Scotty Roles ended his streak of Masterful plate discipline by swinging on the first pitch in 3 of his ABs and only seeing a total of 11 throughout his 5 plate appearances. Whatever, I ain’t mad at cha. Guy scored the game winning run for the second straight game.

The Beej!! locked down the save to pull out of a inexplicable tie with Scotty Downs. The universe has been remedied.

Tomorrow sees the Jays travel to Philly to face Jamie Moyer. Epitome of the Senior Circuit right there. We’ll also by seeing David Purcey. Hopefully Moyer’s lack of velocity will counter Purcey’s lack of control.

Leave a comment

Filed under Alexis Rios, B.J. Ryan, Baseball, Dustin McGowan, John Gibbons, Major League Baseball, Scott Rolen, Toronto Blue Jays

Canuck Showdown in the Twin Cities!!!

Big Matt celebrates his 1st Inning Grand Slam. Morneau was unable to replicate his success and therefore was ignored by Jay Onrait

Last nite saw the Jays defeat the Twins 6-5 behind a 1st inning Grand Slam from Matty Stairs. The Birthday Boy (Halladay for you inconsiderates) pitched poorly for the Doc (6.2 IP, 9 Hits, 4 ER, and 8 Ks) but still earned the W due to some decent relieving.

It was a motherfucking holdfest up in the HHH. For the second straight game at least 3 Jays’ relievers earned the magical H. And for the second straight game the only reliever who failed to earn the H was Jesse Carlson, whos apparently useless against Justin Morneau. The Canadian rocked him for a triple in Game 1 and a Jack in Game 2. After both ABs, Jesse was pulled.

Morneau once again fed off his fellow Canuck’s success by matching Matty’s Grand Slam with a Jack off his own personal Manny DelCarmen, Jesse Carlson. Or is it the other way around? Regardless I wish there were more Canucks in the league. We would be looking at years of potential MVPs considering the performance enhancement involved with clashing Canadians. I don’t know what this means. I guess theres only so much Sportscentre time dedicated to baseball highlights so the Canadians feel the need to outperform their countryman to secure airtime. Fucking hockey.

Otherness, today dedicated to Gregg Zaun and his phenomenal 1B coverage. In the hyperbolic tone of Joe Buck calling that Derek Jeter play, “A CATCHER HAS NO BUSINESS BEING IN THAT POSITION!!” If Zaun wasn’t a mediocre catcher who was busted for steroid abuse, he would be getting national attention (I’m talking American attention. There was an NHL playoff game last nite). At least Jamie Campbell was impressed.

The victim of Zaun’s genius was Toronto’s new whipping boy, Delmon Young, who idiotically rounded 1st and got gunned down by Wilks. Hes looked absolutely foolish this series. 5 tools my ass. Last nite Kevin Mench tagged up ON A LINE DRIVE TO LEFT FIELD!!! ON A SUPPOSED STUD!! KEVIN MENCH!!

The Jays’ were outhit 11-6 and still won. Pretty cool.

Gomez continued his amazing display in CF by making an unbelievable cutoff on a Scott Rolen 8th inning double. IMO, it rivalled any legitimate OF catch I’ve seen this season. Incredible talent.

Scotty Roles once again displayed magical plate discipline by taking 29 pitches in his 4 ABs. Add this to the 33 he took the night before and he has seen 62 pitches this series. In 9 ABs. Almost 7 pitches/AB. Fucking awesome.

Despite showing some sweet discipline at the dish, Rolen may have been involved in the worst steal attempt in baseball history. Luckily he was saved by the incompetent Jesse Crain, whose errant throw allowed Rolen to score the eventual game winning run. Apparently, Canadian Inspiration does not apply to Mr. Crain.

Scotty Downs got his 5th save of the season or the equivalent of the Beej!! total. Weird. And even weirder was the efficiency he displayed locking down the W. Even Beej!! hasn’t got a spotless save.


Leave a comment

Filed under B.J. Ryan, Baseball, canada, Carlos Gomez, Delmon Young, Jesse Carlson, Justin Morneau, Major League Baseball, Matty Stairs, Roy Halladay, Scott Rolen, Scotty Downs, Toronto Blue Jays


Tonite the Jesse Litsch Cycle continued. Its now as reliable as gravity or Doc Halladay. Not only did the success rate skyrocket to 83.3%, but it also neared its goal (yes, contrived theorems have goals) of being accepted by the sabermetric community (ya know with all that sample size shit) 10 is a decent sample size right? Were at least guaranteed 50% then. Yessss…. Meanderings in the guise of analysis will come tomorrow.

Leave a comment

Filed under Jesse Litsch, Roy Halladay, Toronto Blue Jays