Matty seduces Leafs’ Fans; McGowan seduces Everything

Beej!! is Cassell, Balk is 8 second violation. Beware.

Last nite the Jays’ outlasted the Chitown Sox 1-0 behind some Matty Stairs’ hitting and Dustin McGowan brilliance. The once pronounced “done in Toronto” McGowan looked unhittable at times and forever unfazed by adversity. The Jays pitchers have now racked up 10 straight quality starts.

Chairman Gow had to reveal his cure for cancer in between confusing Sox batters with a brilliance that can only be described as Jesus-like

D-McGowan’s stats indicate his tour of sublimity will not end any time soon. Looking at them are both confusing and arousing. Last year, opposing LHB were  .257 against Chairman Gow. This year, only .227. On the other end, RHB have inexplicably been tearing Gow apart this year. Last year, opposing RHB were .198 v Gow; this year .333!! If he sustains his success against LHB and starts mowing RHB like last year, I have little doubt he will win 7 straight Cy Youngs. Also hindering the campaign is his BABIP which is currently hovering round .330. The league av is .290. Sweet jesus I pity the AL East.

Besides having 4 legitimate Cy Young candidates, the Jays’ are also benefiting from the success of Matty Stairs. Not only is he driving in runs at an epic pace (3 IN TWO GAMES!!!), the homegrown is also endearing himself to MILLIONS of alienated Leafs fans. The brains at Sportsnet have recognized such a patriotic trap and have been consistently berating the audience with anecdotes of Stair’s hockey lust. He skates two times a day in the offseason?!?! Thank you Jamie Campbell!! Matty’s hockey skates have become Chacin’s cologne.

BJ Ryan continued his streak of scaring the shit out of Jays’ fans by walking three straight before locking down the W. Of the Beej!!’s 8 appearances this year, 7 have included some form of baserunner and 4 have seen TWO!! Yet the man has kept his cool and allowed 0 runs thus far. Like the rest of the Jays staff, he has been the epitome of resilience. Besides allowing an assload of baserunners, the Beej!! also has added the balk to his repertoire. The balk has long been a favorite of mine (to me it ranks up there with the 8 second violation) but I was hoping to experience it in situations other than closing time. Having a closer who enjoys the balk really doesn’t excite. For your viewing pleasure, a semi-famous 8 second violation (being unable to locate video evidence of the mythical Sam Cassell testicle dance, I was instead treated to this)

 

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Filed under AL East, B.J. Ryan, Baseball, Dustin McGowan, Major League Baseball, Matty Stairs, Toronto Blue Jays

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