Now that the Raps’ pathetic fall has commenced, I’m looking for a new team to hitch my ever so important allegiances to. Heres my breakdown: Boston doesn’t need any more bandwagon fans, cheering for San Antonio or Detroit would be like cheering for your friend’s deceased Third Uncle, cheering for Orlando would be blasphemous, polygamy infuriates me so Utah is out, the Lakers feature a rapist, and King James is too arrogant and probably wouldn’t remember me when he conquers the globe so I’m going with the New Orleans Hornets. Not only does their star share a similar nickname with my beloved Raps (which I’m curious to know who owned first) but they also have the most potential to launch JO, Artest-Beer Guy, Turtle II. If Dirk Nowitzki hadn’t grown accustomed to Josh Howard’s stoned gropes, it might have kicked off last round. If they play Ronny Turiaf next round, it is a damn near certainty West or Chandler will get into it with him. Plus its incredibly easy to cheer against the Spurs, which I have decided may be the most hated winning team of all time. Seriously name another.
Besides their ability to horrify Stern with their violent potential, they also have 4 guys on their team that are incredibly unique players. To start with the least important, Julian Wright may be the longest human being I’ve ever seen. David West is unbelievably strong and is able to bang down low AND drain the mid-range Js with indredible consitentcy. Last nite, his diverse arsenal was on full display as he banged down low in the first half and was shooting Js in the 2nd. T-Chands is one of the most intense players I’ve seen play and his offensive rebounding abilities are tops in the Association. But none of these guys compare to the genious that is CP3. In the 4th quarter last nite, CP3 decided it was time to end the fucking geriatric Spurs run and took it to the rim at will. Though he didn’t hit every layup, which would have sent the crowd into a tizzy, he consitently drew contact. He made it look easy.
Though the Hornets got some special young talent leading them, I do have some concerns. They sometimes take bad shots early in the shot clock and make reckless passes in search of the highlight reel. Despite their flaws, these boys want it. Bad. After Bowen made the mistake of bumping into CP3, he made him look foolish the next time down the floor with some creative dribbling. The Hornets are not intimidated by the Spurs’ history. This series is going to be great.