Why do they Play?


Douchebag Deluxe flashes a smile of complacency during his last days on a great team.

Yesterday, the Toronto Blue Jays released the snivelling shithat, Frank “Dennis” Thomas (thank you Mockingbird). According to the AP, the struggling Thomas rejected a Blue Jays offer that would cut his playing time to two or three games a week and instead agreed to be released. The cut came one day after bullys JP and Gibby stole Thomas’ ABs, which promptly led to a much needed W. Instead of joining his teammates’ celebration, the next Herschel Walker slouched to the locker room. WOW.

In between his internet support group (Tuesdays and Thursdays) Herm offers timeless quotes

Honestly, what the hell is this guy thinking? You’ve never contributed to a Championship club (he wasn’t on the playoff roster when the Sox won in 2005) yet you decide to shit on the best chance available. Really Big Frank? Are numbers that important to you? Herm take it from here; “You PLAY! TO! WIN! THE! GAME!!” Seriously what sane contender will even sniff you BIG FRANK? You’re the new Bonds. You think you’re latching on to a contender? The best team that needs a DH are the RAYS (please sign there. it would allow you to play Manny Delcarmen a lot). Have fun.

Good fucking riddance. Big Frank’s above-average numbers are hardly worth the eventual damage he would have inflicted upon the clubhouse psyche. Goodbye legacy. Its a shame the one man of the steroid era who legitmately earned his numbers turned out to be a colossal douche. I hope you find happiness batting cleanup for some shit club. I look forward to the day the Jays wipe their ass with such club.

Shawn Marion prefers a trio involving this man

Whats the fucking deal with athletes these days? First Shawn Marion bitches and moans on a consistent contender before appearing genuinely delighted to be traded to the shittiest team in the Association. Despite how horrible it must have been playing with the greatest PG of our generation, at least people talked about you back then Shawn. I haven’t heard one fucking thing about your neanderthal form since the trade. Fucking incomprehensible.

Now onto the Jays’ retahded plans for the DH; a platoon of Matt Stairs and Rod Barajas. According to the AP, in order to have a backup catcher for the days Barajas DHs’, they will call up Robinson DIaz, and if I’m reading this correctly, carry three catchers. Huh, three catchers eh. Has this ever been done? Should we call in Guinness to observe the new record for strategic incompetency? GET ADAM LIND UP…FUCKING NOW!! Instead of attempting to revolutionize the game with the brilliant 3-catcher strategy, the Jays should probably rotate Lind/Stewart/Stairs through the DH/LF positions. I would enjoy that trio a lot more.


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Filed under Baseball, Basketball, Frank Thomas, Major League Baseball, Shawn Marion, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays

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