The Real Vernon Wells?

What a soul-crushing defeat last nite. After getting out of jam after jam we lost it in the 9th when a tired Accardo got shelled for 4 runs in his first of what may be many blown saves. If only we hadn’t played him the nite before. Irregardless (I know), Accardo is in trouble. Highlights of Accardo’s season; 4 runs in two nites, opposing batters OBP – .417, anemic 2.08 WHIP. I have no explanation for this spike in shittiness but when Jays pitchers spectacularly underperform, injuries are usually revealed. His performance this April is eerily similar to that of Beejs’ last year.  Knock on wood.

The Fat Bust celebrates after delivering the Vern special – a 1st inning Jack. Dead Man’s A-Rod.

Despite the massive choke job of Accardo, the Jays still had an oppurtunity in the 9th to get back in the game but what do you know, Vern’s indifference once again fucked us. On two occasions last nite, Vern had the chance to put us up but twice shit his pants. 7th inning, bases juiced, ground out. 9th inning, two on, pop out. This has been three times in the past two nites that Vern has been a snivelling mess in a clutch situation. According to Baseball Reference, this gutless hitting has been a staple of Vern’s game. In his career hes hit only .240 in Late & Close games (7th inning on when down 1, tied, or up 1). Wow. Also, furthering the case to declare Wells a eunuch, is his penchant for tearing up Finesse pitchers while quivering at the sight of power pitchers (.321 v Finesse – .240 v Power). Sweet Leader. Even more horrifying for Jays fans is the players Baseball References feels are most comparable to Mr. Wells. AUBREY HUFF and TROT NIXON. The Trot Nixon that the Sox spit on two years ago. The Aubrey Huff who couldn’t crack the ORIOLES starting lineup. HOLY SHIT!!! We are so fucked!! And those stats were accumulated before he cashed in. Whos he going to be comparable to in the next 5 years? God help us. If you want to induce vomiting, heres the link:


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Filed under AL East, Baseball, canada, Major League Baseball, Oakland Athletics, Sports, Toronto Blue Jays, Vernon Wells

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