Scheduling Mayhem

Today I’m a little pissed about the scheduling practices of both the NBA and Sportsnet. Last nite I was robbed, for the second straight day, of some Jays’ baseball because of somebody’s (I have no idea who) fondness for the Memorial Cup. The fucking Memorial Cup! The most goddamn regionally appealing oversight of all time. I know the 4 teams are supposed to “represent” the regions their based in but who are we kidding, no one gives a fuck about Junior hockey unless they live in the team’s homebase. It’s a glorified high school hockey tournament. And the four teams justifying the Jays’ removal from the airwaves: the Belleville Bulls (population of 49000), the Gatineau Olympiques (242000, allrite, legit) the Kitchener Rangers (204000) and wait for it, the fucking Spokane Chiefs (I won’t even give the population since this particular “Canadian” franchise is located in Washington)

What genius dreamed up the fallacy of demand for Junior Hockey in Washington State. I hope they realize that even Gary Fucking Bettman wasn’t retarded enough to expand into that market. The Pacific Northwest has ZERO NHL franchises. Seriously.

The NHL Franchises. I guess the WHL commish hasn’t seen it.

Anyways I’m getting off topic. In short, Fuck the Memorial Cup Sportsnet. If you must broadcast that shit, do so in the Canadian Shield. Ontario doesn’t give a fuck.

Though not as personally insulting, the NBA’s scheduling practices are certainly fucked. Though the NO-SA Game 6 was on Thursday nite, they won’t be playing until Monday. Making this all the more bizarre is the fact BOS-CLE played last nite and will play on Sunday. What the shit? Three days rest for the Southern ballers but the Seaboard’s finest (and the Midwestern Jesus Shuttlesworth. Bad reference) only get one. How is that possibly fair Stern? What the hell are you trying to manufacture here?

THEOREM TIME! WOO! After doing some half-assed research I have found that…there is little correlation between certain time off and Stern’s desired result, which I assume would be New Orleans and Boston victories since no one’s excited about the possiblity of a repeat SA-CLE series. Besides no theory of mine could counter the homecourt advantage revolution of this year’s playoffs. Anyways, here’s some numbers I futilely looked up.

BOS-CLE

 BOS
-100.6 Points/Game Total  -  100.2 Points/Game with 1 days rest
-47.5 FG% Total  -  47.5 FG% with 1 days rest
-22.4 Assists/Game Total  -  22.7 Assists/Game with 1 days rest
-14.4 TOs/Game  -  14.3 TOs/Game with 1 days rest

CLE
-96.4 Points/Game Total  -  95.0 Points/Game with 1 days rest
-43.9 FG% Total  -  43.1% FG% with 1 days rest
-20 Assists/Game Total  -  20.4 Assists/Game with 1 days rest
-13.2 TOs/Game Total  -  12.5 TOs/Game with 1 days rest               

SA-NO

 SA
-92.3 Points/Game with 3 days rest  -  95.4 Points/Game Total
-21.5 Assists/Game with 3 days rest  -  21.0 Assists/Game Total
-45.5 FG% with 3 days rest  -  45.7 FG % Total
-13.3 TOs/Game with 3 days rest  -  12.0 TOs/Game Total

NO
-96.0 Points/Game with 3 days rest  -  100.9 Points/Game Total
-19.1 Assists/Game with 3 days rest  -  21.8 Assists/Game Total
-46.2 FG% with 3 days rest  -  46.6 FG% Total                                    
-13.4 TOs/Game with 3 days rest  -  11.3 TOs/Game Total                                           

 

 

 

Afternoons in Minneapolis

So I come home from work excited for some beers, some chow, and the potential for a Jays’ sweep. While all three of these things have or will happen, I was hoping to combine them in a melding of lazy ectstasy. Instead, I will have to eat and drink while watching fucking hockey. Apparently, the Twins’ braintrust (yes I realize no one from Minnesota had any hand in this debacle but I dislike Minnesotans. They’re the American equivalent of Tobans’. I think) feels the need to schedule games in the afternoon. In a dome for fucks sake. I thought the whole point of afternoon ball was to enjoy the daytime sunlight. This is obviously impossible in the shithole that is the HHH. Its not like the two teams have far to travel for tomorrow’s games either. The Jays’ are going to Philly and the Twins’ to Colarado. Fucking schedule. Now I have to relive the game through MLB Gameday.

Anyways, despite not playing a part in the sweep-clinching W (I feel my attention produces wins), I am stoked (bro) the Jays’ pulled it off. In extra innings no less. And Rios actually contributed. Although he only had one hit, it produced one of the runs in the 3-2 11 inning victory. The Jays’ once again rode a early inning burst to the W with a 2 run 3rd.

Otherness, Gibbons almost fucked up pitching assignments once again as he only had one reliever left in the pen when the game ended. I guess you could argue that Shawn Camp could have remained in the game had the Jays not scored the run in the 11th, but thats not encouraging either. Whatever we got the W and thats all that counts.

Apparently (I say this because I have no first hand knowledge of such an occurence. Besides numerical evidence) Dustin McGowan was wild tonite this afternoon. I thought Gibby may have performed another premature pull until I saw his pitch count. 104 in 5 innings? Shit. I’m a little concerned with Chairman Gow’s last two outings.

Jesse Crain once again shit the bed by allowing the game clinching run for the second straight game. Right on Jesse.

Scotty Roles ended his streak of Masterful plate discipline by swinging on the first pitch in 3 of his ABs and only seeing a total of 11 throughout his 5 plate appearances. Whatever, I ain’t mad at cha. Guy scored the game winning run for the second straight game.

The Beej!! locked down the save to pull out of a inexplicable tie with Scotty Downs. The universe has been remedied.

Tomorrow sees the Jays travel to Philly to face Jamie Moyer. Epitome of the Senior Circuit right there. We’ll also by seeing David Purcey. Hopefully Moyer’s lack of velocity will counter Purcey’s lack of control.

Canuck Showdown in the Twin Cities!!!

Big Matt celebrates his 1st Inning Grand Slam. Morneau was unable to replicate his success and therefore was ignored by Jay Onrait

Last nite saw the Jays defeat the Twins 6-5 behind a 1st inning Grand Slam from Matty Stairs. The Birthday Boy (Halladay for you inconsiderates) pitched poorly for the Doc (6.2 IP, 9 Hits, 4 ER, and 8 Ks) but still earned the W due to some decent relieving.

It was a motherfucking holdfest up in the HHH. For the second straight game at least 3 Jays’ relievers earned the magical H. And for the second straight game the only reliever who failed to earn the H was Jesse Carlson, whos apparently useless against Justin Morneau. The Canadian rocked him for a triple in Game 1 and a Jack in Game 2. After both ABs, Jesse was pulled.

Morneau once again fed off his fellow Canuck’s success by matching Matty’s Grand Slam with a Jack off his own personal Manny DelCarmen, Jesse Carlson. Or is it the other way around? Regardless I wish there were more Canucks in the league. We would be looking at years of potential MVPs considering the performance enhancement involved with clashing Canadians. I don’t know what this means. I guess theres only so much Sportscentre time dedicated to baseball highlights so the Canadians feel the need to outperform their countryman to secure airtime. Fucking hockey.

Otherness, today dedicated to Gregg Zaun and his phenomenal 1B coverage. In the hyperbolic tone of Joe Buck calling that Derek Jeter play, “A CATCHER HAS NO BUSINESS BEING IN THAT POSITION!!” If Zaun wasn’t a mediocre catcher who was busted for steroid abuse, he would be getting national attention (I’m talking American attention. There was an NHL playoff game last nite). At least Jamie Campbell was impressed.

The victim of Zaun’s genius was Toronto’s new whipping boy, Delmon Young, who idiotically rounded 1st and got gunned down by Wilks. Hes looked absolutely foolish this series. 5 tools my ass. Last nite Kevin Mench tagged up ON A LINE DRIVE TO LEFT FIELD!!! ON A SUPPOSED STUD!! KEVIN MENCH!!

The Jays’ were outhit 11-6 and still won. Pretty cool.

Gomez continued his amazing display in CF by making an unbelievable cutoff on a Scott Rolen 8th inning double. IMO, it rivalled any legitimate OF catch I’ve seen this season. Incredible talent.

Scotty Roles once again displayed magical plate discipline by taking 29 pitches in his 4 ABs. Add this to the 33 he took the night before and he has seen 62 pitches this series. In 9 ABs. Almost 7 pitches/AB. Fucking awesome.

Despite showing some sweet discipline at the dish, Rolen may have been involved in the worst steal attempt in baseball history. Luckily he was saved by the incompetent Jesse Crain, whose errant throw allowed Rolen to score the eventual game winning run. Apparently, Canadian Inspiration does not apply to Mr. Crain.

Scotty Downs got his 5th save of the season or the equivalent of the Beej!! total. Weird. And even weirder was the efficiency he displayed locking down the W. Even Beej!! hasn’t got a spotless save.

 

Yesssss…

Tonite the Jesse Litsch Cycle continued. Its now as reliable as gravity or Doc Halladay. Not only did the success rate skyrocket to 83.3%, but it also neared its goal (yes, contrived theorems have goals) of being accepted by the sabermetric community (ya know with all that sample size shit) 10 is a decent sample size right? Were at least guaranteed 50% then. Yessss…. Meanderings in the guise of analysis will come tomorrow.

The Cycle of Litsch

O’Doyle Rules!!

Last nite the Jays’ took down the Twins’ 5-3 in Minneapolis’ HHH. The effort was surprisingly well-rounded as 7 Jays’ had hits and 5 players had RBIs. Impressive yet they still faltered in familiar situations as the first inning saw two Jays’ (Rolen!!?? and Rios) fail to knock in Aaron Hill, who was chilling on third while Peavy had a vicious inner conflict as to whether he should call some Home-Stealing. He did not and Hill was stranded. The Jays’ also allowed two opputunities to pass by later in the game when they failed in situations with men on 2nd and 3rd and later with the bases full (which saw Rolen!!?? failing again though he more than made up for it with some amazing defense, especially on the final out. Him and Beej!! enjoyed a keg in celebration) Overall awesome to finally see some vivacious bats help out a pitcher in need.

Though run support helps, nothing is better for a pitcher’s confidence than following Jesse Litsch in the rotation. While that seems mildly insulting, consider this; Jesse Litsch is a catalyst. Well, at least 80% of the time. 4 out of 5 times. Damnit, I am so grasping. Anyways, in the game following a Jesse Litsch decision, the same result has occurred 4 out of 5 times. So math time. Because of the Litsch math, there is an 80% chance that the Jays’ will win tonite. Add the fact that the Doc is playing on his goddamn birthday no less, and I say there is a 150% chance the Jays’ will emerge victorious this evening. Ye gorilla math. Ye Worm. Ye Rounders.

Otherness, in honor of the subpar Dennys Reyes, who besides being pro-Jay, supplements his income with a healthy career as a Latin character actor.

ArrrrMan-DOOO made his Jays’ debut by allowing a FIRST-PITCH JACK!! And oddly enough, I wasn’t even mad. I was having too good a time pronouncing his name. Doing so in the presumed voice of Dennys Reyes worked best. It also looks like Mr. Benitez has lost significant weight. Compared to pictures of Fat ArrrrMan-Dooo anyways.

Also strange was Gibbons handling of pitchers who gave up extra base hits on their first pitch. Jesse Carlson - pulled immediately. ArrrrMan-DOOO - allowed to face two more batters. Whats up Gibbs? Have some faith.

Our, or at least my, worst fears were realized when Jamie Campbell all but established collective farms in Minnesota. Alright he did nothing of the sort but did display his love of free baseball, which will be available when the new Twins’ stadium opens in 2010. Free Baseball? Its a goddamn oxymoron. Ok maybe not, but its at least unAmerican.

After finding Litsch’s record to be unreasonable considering his ERA (4.24) and OPP Avg. (.272), I had to see whether or not his run support is exbortitant. It really isn’t but I found the majority of the Jays’ starters get next to nothing. Shocking, yes? Of 102 pitchers who have completed 40 innings, Marcum is 80th with 3.65 runs/game, Halladay is 95th with 3.14, and McGowan is 98th with 2.72. Fucking BRUUUTAL.

Other fucked stats; after recognizing zero Twins’ starters (except for the immortal Boof Bonser), I had to discover their deal. Well, turns out they’re rabid pussies. They lead the MLB in walks allowed (only 94) and are last in in Strikeouts.

Other fucked stat; Cliff Lee leads the MLB in K/BB ratio with an 11.  Closest dude; 5.6!!!

Carlos Gomez is frightening. He reminds me of Adam Jones, though you should know I’ve seen Adam Jones play 3 times, which is horrifying considering I am now comparing others to him. I would much prefer Eric Bedard.

The Yahoo Box Score is garbage. Both star performers are featured in their former team’s caps. Really Yahoo? Pictures are that hard to come by?

 

 

 

 

 

Tarnished Awesomeness

When I first saw this commercial, my reaction was similar to numerous Nike greats; goosebumps. Nike commercials may become the new iPod spots, launching little known artists like Saul Williams to mainstream success (which probably won’t happen in Mr. William’s case, considering the content explored within his lyrics. Its pretty surprising Nike chose to feature such a subversive tune in a national ad)

Even more surprising, in a purely trivial way, is the appearances of Steve Nash and Kevin Durant in the ad. Though they both are national figures who excel at their sport, I find the comparision between LT or Purple Jesus’ offseason workouts with those of Nash and Durants’ pretty absurd. Nike men, you realize Kevin Durant appears to have never worked out a day in his life, right? When attempting to launch a workout merchandise line, you should probably do so with athletes who actually realize what they are selling. I am not doubting the fact that Durant has probably shot millions of jumpers in empty gyms or whatever but this Sparq bullshit ain’t about that. It’s about PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTING workouts. I find the suggestion that All Day races dragsters more plausible than Nike’s claim that Kevin Durant short steps.

I doubt Purple Jesus or LT or Matt Holliday were born into their current physiques but when I look at Kevin Durant’s shrivelled frame, I can’t help but feel that he has looked that way since he was 12. In short, basketball is the sport of natural athleticism, football or baseball is not, and comparing the PHYSICAL work necessary to maintain success in either sport is absurd. Case in point, VC (VC, along with Ron Artest, will always be used to argue the negative aspects of the NBA. That is their legacy)

MMJ on the SNL

Saturday nite saw the MMJ perform on SNL, and what they revealed got me even more excited for June 10, though they could have covered The Cardigans and I would still feel the same way. I got to say the guitar-piano conversation within ‘I’m Amazed’ is gorgeous and underutilized (in my completely ignorant opinion). The whole song should revolve around the combo.  

Though the CD will undoubtedly enter my collection sometime on June 10, I had a few minor issues with the performance. ‘Evil Urges’ wassurprisingly disappointing considering how excited I get whenever its on the radio. Both verses were underwhelming as well, but the MMJ genius revealed itself within their bridges. The ‘Evil Urges’ solo, complete with Jim’s rocking stance, the vocal bridge after the second verse, and the absolutely gorgeous call and response guitar and piano executed throughout ‘I’m Amazed’. The bridge in ‘I’m Amazed’ is fantastic for the majority, but they take it a little too far, IMO.

Despite my minor qualms, Saturday’s show was undoubtedly the greatest of the season, based upon host/musical guest combo (except maybe the Seth Rogen/Spoon duo, though I have no proof to make an assertion in either’s favor)

Here’s a link to the performances, via the Brooklyn Vegan:

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2008/05/my_morning_jack_6.html

Vernon’s Wrist is Tired of this Shit Too

Fuck. According to the WWL, The Vern’s wrist has quit on him after colliding with earth yesterday. It too must have grown tired of wasting countless quality starts from the Jays’ starting pitchers (alrite, there easily quantifiable but countless is more powerful).

What is our OF going to look like tonite? I assume Rios will move over to centre but whos taking over rightfield? We may have to endure consistent playing time from Shannon Stewart. Fucking Primoz.

At least the report offered good news too. Accardo has been placed on the 15 day DL, which presumably will be upgraded to the 60 in the near future..

Hanley Ramirez makes me Feel Bad

I know I’ve been supportive of the Rios contract in the past, but recent developments have changed my perspective on shit. First there was the Chris B. Young contract, which had the D-Backs giving the young slugger 28 million over 5 years, but Young’s stats ain’t that great. He may become the only member of the 30-30 club to hit under .250. He is a truly confusing specimen. When Rios breaks into the club, there will be no way hes hitting under .250 (and I’m still confident Rios will eventually break in)

However, the news today gave me vertigo. The Florida Marlins have surprisingly signed Hanley Ramirez to a 6 year deal for 70 million. The same Hanley Ramirez who has outperformed Rios’ in EVERY statistical category (except RBIs. Damnit). In his two years in the MLB. And is two years younger. Wow, I feel awful.

Comparing Jays’ contracts is incredibly difficult. When I heard the news of the Rios signing, I was ecstatic. I instantly thought of the shitness that is Vernon Wells (126 million over 7) and Frank Thomas (20 million over 2 years) and thought to myself, JP congrats. You’ve seen the mistakes of the past and corrected appropiately. The only benchmarks I was using to compare were the awful contracts of old. And it made me feel happy.

But now, I have realized the folly of my ways. The Rios contract is nothing to be ecstatic about. Its decent but ain’t special. This Hanley deal has shown me the light. Dude has performed more consistently than the Rios and clearly (no proof for such a claim) has a higher ceiling.

While some may find the comparison troublesome, money is the great equalizer in baseball comparisons, especially when the two signings occurred within two months of each other.

On the bright side, I’m pretty sure the Vernon Wells and Alexis Rios’ contracts may increase the contracts of countless guys in the near future. Any agent could point to the absurdity of said contracts and reel in some more dough. Or GMs may counter with arguments concerning the idiocy of JP. We’ll see how things play out.

 

Brutal Losing and New Bats

The 13th inning proved to be the Jays’ Achilles heel (they probably passed under a ladder across a black cat’s path while pouring salt  once again last as the Rays’ overcame a 9th inning meltdown by Troy Percival with a 5 run 13th inning to defeat the Jays’ 8-3. After Percival allowed the Jays’ back into the game in the 9 by way of a Vernon 2 run homer and Aaron Hill single, the Rays’ put it out of reach in the 13th behind a Dioner Navarro Grand Slam off former Ray, Shawn Camp. Absolutely awful. Whenever the Jays’ get involved in these extra extra inning games, the result feels inevitable. Why do I watch this shit.

Though everyone is justifiably bitching about the Jays’ failure to knock in Rios in the tenth, the same situation went down in the fourth when Scotty Roles hit a triple with one out. In this particular situation, Stairs ground out and Vern popped out leaving the Roles visibly enraged (at least mentally). So instead of vilifying Shannon Stewart (though I too wish he was dead), lets get after Matty Stairs, the man who was involved in both failures. We ain’t scared to cut ties with Canadians, Matty. You ain’t invincible. Wheres Koskie right now? He ain’t got no hand injury. Not.

Kevin Mench’s career decline: collateral damage of the Mitchell Report

Now onto some ignorant optimism. KEVIN MENCH AND BRAD WILKERSON!!! THEY WERE AVAILABLE ALL THIS TIME AND WE DIDN’T PICK EM UP!!! Inexcusable JP. But honestly, I don’t see how these dudes can help at all. I assume they’re either 1B or OF so we’ll likely have a Stewart/Wilkerson/Mench/Stairs/Overbay combo at those two positions. I don’t see how either dude is a possible upgrade over anyone, and I mean anyone. This could have one positive side effect however, as it would occasionally (and hopefully permanently) remove the universally hated Stewart from the two-hole and allow Hill to take over, which would awesome considering Hill’s confidence is presumably at an all-time high after that game tying RBI last nite.

OK, after doing some statistical research on the two dudes, they do have some skills. Wilkerson is good at drawing walks and once finished 2nd in Rookie of the Year voting. So theres that. Even more encouraging is Kevin Mench’s ability to hit left handed pitchers (like we needed help in that department) and his sweet line-drive percentage. This is pretty coincidental since I was listening to a podcast today that claimed line-drive percentages is the new OBP (concerning their mainstream usage) anddudes with LDPof 16 or over are bound to succeed in the future. Kevin Mench’s LDP: 16.9%!!! The Gods smile upon us.